Seeing someone who seems to “need” sex everytime we are together, we see each other between 2-4 times a week, based on activities and kids we don’t ALWAYS get to have sex, but she wants to and if we don’t have sex, she feels I’m rejecting her, 99% of the time I’m game for it but there are times when I’m just not feeling it and she basically won’t take no for answer, we’ve had the discussion that for me just being with her, sleeping next to her, snuggling with her is sometimes enough, but if I don’t perform I feel like I’m letting her down and disappointing her…. thoughts?
4 comments
My honest thought is that sooner or later she might not enjoy being with you anymore. It sounds like she just wants sex and that’s the only goal, abd once that no longer satisfied her what else is there if she is already disappointed when you don’t have sex once.
If she’s either loving the sex or feeling rejected there is not much stability in the emotional aspect of that relationship. Consider that maybe you are in a fwb situation rather than a romantic situation and that if it stays this way it wont last.
Just my assesment but it’s up to you to figure out if it’s accurate
Feeling horny does suck, but being an adult also means accepting not getting what you want some of the time.
In this case, I think a backup plan where those rare times (1%?) that she wants it and you’re not feeling it, she has a good way to get off on her own. Like a Hitachi magic wand or something good like that. That way she can feel the relief of getting off, even if it’s not quite the same as sex, and you can feel like your boundaries are being respected when you sometimes need a break. Also helping her understand that it’s not a rejection of her hotness if you’re just feeling too worn out sometimes or for whatever reason need to take a pass on a particular time with sex.
>if we don’t have sex, she feels I’m rejecting her,
This is excessively needy and insecure. Any chance she’s using sex as a way to soothe her own self esteem issues?
Look up insecure anxious attachment style
https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/anxious-attachment/
> Low self-esteem, strong fear of rejection or abandonment, and clinginess in relationships are common signs of this attachment style.
You could try having sex in the morning when she spends the night at your place. Yu should also ask her if there’s anything that you can do t o give her sexual pleasure when you’re not interested in having PIV sex.
You should both watch a YouTube video called “Tea and Consent” to make sure that you’re on the same page regarding consent.