The music I listen to talks about how ur man loves eating it, my friends say they prefer oral sex over any other and also it’s the only way they can orgasm. I just feel so weird about it. I’ve never received it actually, my fwb once tried to go down on me but that really freaked me out and pulled me out of the mood. I also feel weird when I’m just getting fingered for “too long” and he doesn’t try to put his dick in. I feel so confused about this because I really really enjoy sex but whenever it becomes like about my pleasure it kinda turns me off? It’s such a weird feeling because it feels so good but I feel like I’m not supposed to like it or something, idk. Or like I’m embarrassed that he has to touch me more for me to enjoy it instead of just being satisfied with penetration only.
I think part of it is I’m scared that I taste bad. I’m scared it’s not enjoyable for him and he won’t want to have sex with me anymore cuz it’s not fun and I taste bad and am so unsexy. Like it rlly makes me spiral lol idk. I read posts online and even on this sub about how some men love the taste of whoever they’re fucking, how they love to please a woman and sometimes can cum just from doing that, and that makes me feel conflicted as well. But whenever I’m with a man and he basically does anything that’s just to pleasure me and not him it makes me feel so selfish and like also kinda dirty in a way, it’s a horrible feeling because it also does feel good but I feel bad about it feeling good 😭. Pls tell me someone relates.
7 comments
Are you from a religious or conservative background?
I love pleasuring my lady, it’s just so immersive, sensual & intimate.
When it comes to receiving, I’m challenged to just do nothing, lay back, focus, and be in the moment. I have to concentrate to not concentrate and just be.
So I sort of get it. A partner isn’t going to pleasure you well unless they really want to do it and be there. Accept that premise and surrender.
I’ve found that if it’s too slow and intimate, I get bored and feel uncomfortable and do get in my head too much, like you do. If the guy wants it bad and is totally going for it with assertive confidence and major desire, totally different experience for me and I like it a lot.
You’re definitely not alone in feeling uncomfortable receiving oral. Women are socialized to believe that our genitals are gross, smelly, weird, icky, and ugly, so it’s not surprising that you feel self-conscious when [your man’s face is literally all up in your business!](https://366moves.wordpress.com/2022/09/29/cunnilingus/)
There are lots of factors that can get in the way of your oral enjoyment, so here are some strategies to help yourself develop a healthier relationship with cunnilingus:
**Know That Your Body Is Beautiful**
It takes time to let go of all the crap women have to deal with when it comes to their bodies, but please know that your genitals are beautiful just the way they are. Seriously. Your man is choosing to go down on you, so he obviously feels the same way.
**Find Ways To Connect During Oral**
A lot of women find receiving oral to be a lonely experience. Your partner is all the way down there, and you’re basically chilling on the pillows by yourself.
If you find yourself feeling disconnected, try asking your boyfriend to hold your hand, or stroke other parts of your body like your breasts or your stomach. You can also ask him to make eye contact with you, or talk to you. Or he can come up for air and kiss your mouth, neck, and breasts.
You can also [experiment with different positions](https://366moves.wordpress.com/2022/09/29/eating-pussy/), like sitting on the edge of the bed with your feet on the floor, and him kneeling in between your legs. This position has the added bonus of being way more comfortable for him.
**Learn How To Give Feedback**
You may be feeling like you have to know exactly what you want, and that you have to give your boyfriend precise and specific directions when he’s going down on you. That doesn’t have to be the case! I would encourage you and your boyfriend to think of giving feedback during oral sex instead of directions. Instead of trying to come up with what you want beforehand, focus more on what feels good in the moment. Keep it simple by saying things like “faster,” “slower,” “harder,” and “softer.”
You can also use A/B testing to help hone in on what feels good. Have your boyfriend try two different licking techniques (like side to side, then up and down), then tell him which one feels better. Then have him try two different levels of pressure, or two different speeds. Picking one option out of two is a lot easier and less intimidating than trying to come up with your own instructions out of thin air!
You might also want to broaden your oral sex vocabulary and skill set by [reading a sexual technique book together.](https://366moves.wordpress.com/2022/09/29/cunnilingus/)
**Focus On The Sensation Of Receiving**
It’s so rare in life that we get the opportunity to lay back and just receive, and it can feel jarring when that’s all you need to do.
To help yourself stay more present in the moment, try telling yourself, “all I have to do right now is receive” or “I give myself permission to be the center of attention.”
You can also simply try focusing on the sensations you’re feeling. Imagine what your boyfriend’s tongue and lips look like swirling around your labia and clitoris. Try to pinpoint exactly where on your body feels good.
**Talk About It**
Communication is so crucial to good sex. Tell your boyfriend that you’re having a hard time letting go during oral sex, and ask him to tell you what he likes about going down on you. Hearing him say, “you taste so good” or “I love the way your skin feels on my mouth” might help you feel more relaxed when he starts working his way down beneath the covers.
I’d also suggest gently requesting that he stop asking the dreaded “what do you want me to do?” question. I don’t think there’s any other question more universally despised by women during sex! Tell him, “when you ask me that question, it just sends me up in my head and makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong.”
Suggest trying the A/B testing method together, or come up with sneaky ways to let him know that he’s on the right track (for example, you’ll pull his hair when you want more pressure, or you’ll stroke his shoulder when you want him to go slower).
**Accept Your Likes And Dislikes**
If you try these tips and still don’t enjoy having his head between your legs, that’s perfectly OK! There are lots of women who just don’t like oral sex. Your sexual likes and dislikes are part of what makes you you, and there’s nothing wrong with not liking oral, if that’s truly how you feel.
Good luck, and have fun!
I feel the same about receiving blowjobs. Just the idea of someone wanting to do that to me makes me incredibly anxious and uncomfortable. For me it’s entirely from a place of absent self esteem, in the sense of I don’t feel like I deserve it, or I’m good enough for it. For me even thinking about the idea of a woman wanting to do something like that to me is just something that makes me incredibly anxious and feels almost unfathomable.
I sense that yours probably comes from a similar place.
Handy Dandy: he performs fellatio from the side and she gives him a hand job during. Or 69.
Lorals latex panties.
Was there a bad instance that someone said you smell bad? Usually we all have a distinct smell, and its also usually some type of guys are attracted to those distinct smell.
Tbh, sex is about feeling liberal with your body and with your partner. Don’t worry so much but do communicate with the other on your insecurities about it. He perhaps can let you know how he feels as well..