For context, I (M26) am just getting back into dating again after several years of focusing on my study/career, so I’m feeling less than experienced.
Since getting back into it, I’ve asked out 3 girls politely in person and been turned down each time. I didn’t mind, I was just proud of myself for having the balls to ask. Another date I met on Tinder turned me down after the first date since our lives didn’t really align, and I was okay with that too. But yesterday I got ghosted by my Saturday night date and admittedly I’m still feeling pretty butthurt about it. I even tried to be gentle about it and texted her saying (paraphrasing) “I’ll take your silence as a ‘no’, but feel free to get in touch if you change your mind :)” and then she blocked me.
So I guess my question is, is it normal for ghosting to feel so much harsher than straight-up rejection? And I’m wondering what strategies work well for coping with ghosting/rejection because I don’t know why this hurts so unexpectedly.
7 comments
Rejection is closure. Ghosting lacks closure. That’s why it’s so cruel. It’s cowardly and unnecessarily mean.
i guess because its not closure. at least with the other girls you got closure from it and move on. with ghosting it seems to be going ok and then silence and you dont know if something happened or they changed their mind. I, like you, would respect them more if they just rejected me then ghosted me. after being ghosted quite a few times, i try not to take it personally any more. they are not meant to be in my life if they do that and i just move on from there
Ghosting sucks so much! Someone else described perfectly why its so hard to get over, because of the lack of closure. And unfortunately it’s so common… The most important thing to remember is that ghosting is not about you. It’s literally not about you. It’s about the other person and their lack of communication skills, insecurity and/or fear of conflict. It hurts and its healthy that you let yourself feel the unpleasant emotions, but ultimately don’t forget that it didn’t happen because of you. And you seem like a respectful and smart guy who takes initiative and knows how to handle rejection (a normal part of dating), so definitely don’t waste your precious time on people who ghost. Because if they ghost, they wouldn’t be healthy partners and dont deserve you anyways 🙂
Because it makes you feel silenced, without an explanation. Imagine you’re addressing an audience, through a microphone. You think its going ok, maybe even very well. Then someone pulls the plug, no explanation. And you’re left voiceless and can’t ask/discuss/voice your feelings
Edit: spelling mistake. Prob left a few tbh
Yes! Rejection, as much as it hurts, you can kind of get over slowly and with time, because you’re given an answer. Ghosting is tough, because you’re always left wondering why and what if, and internalizing as if it’s your fault.
Ghosting is rejection, but with an added icing of disrespect.
Closure is where the difference lies