Background
So I (25f) love my fiance (26m) and are planning to get married in around a year. We started getting intimate, kissing and making out, touching each other, etc. and I’ve been perfectly okay with it, loving it really and enjoying every moment. I gave him a handjob and enjoyed it very much.
However, when he came to give me a turn and touched my clit, I panicked. I suddenly didn’t want him to touch me and he politely stopped immediately. Thing is, I wanted him to touch me, and he asked me if it was okay before making a move, which I had said yes too and was really excited for. But the moment it came, I panicked, which I am upset I did because I really wanted this badly.
I’ve had other sexual encounters before, and each time I wasn’t comfortable and didn’t want to be touched down there. I’m a virgin although I’ve gotten into everything else. Each time I didn’t mind giving the partner their share, but would stop them there and not continue and ask them not to touch me.
I don’t understand why I’m like this, and if I will continue like this. We decided to stop any sexual intimacy for now until we can figure out what the problem is and how to solve it, which is why I cam here.
I really want to have everything with him, and so does he, and I don’t like that there is this panic around a specific area, and I don’t want it to continue after marriage.
Note: we come from a religious upbringing where sexual intimacy is forbidden until after marriage, and some part of me wants to wait, however, although I initiated this myself because I want to. Plus it still doesn’t justify why I only panic when he touches a specific area and not anywhere else.
Edit: I had been touching myself since I was 12 no problem, alwaye enjoying and making a time of it.
3 comments
Sexual first times are generally scary and it often takes several tries until you get comfortable.
If you can touch yourself just fine, I would suggest to go very slowly about it and first get comfortable touching yourself with him, and then make him move his hand over your hand when you are touching yourself, and go from there. You can also grab his hand and move it there, so that it’s not him touching you, but you touching yourself with his hand.
Once you manage to get around the initial feeling of panic and your brain realizes it is fine, you will likely never have this problem again.
So can you clarify, is it when he touches you with his hand or if he tries to eat you out does that also freak you out?
I think everyone should have sex before marriage. It’s part of a relationship, if you don’t do it how do you know you are comparable in bed?
At the very least you two need to figure out what you want your sex life to look like and if you both can make it happen.