Women of Reddit who can forgive easily and not hold a grudge, how do you do it?

22 comments

1. Easy. Forgiveness is rarely necessary, and grudges are a waste of your time.

   If someone does me wrong, or acts unkind in some way, its usually not on purpose. It could be a misunderstanding, a really bad day, a difference of opinion, or a clumsy way to express concern for instance. So you talk about it like grown ups, you get to understand where the other one is coming from and at worst you agree to disagree. Easily forgiven if even that big a deal, and nothing to hold grudges about.

   If someone did do it on purpose, even if not to harm me but to look better themselves, they’re not in my life anymore (perhaps simple civil hi-bye’s). So again nothing to forgive, and nothing to hold grudges about.

2. If you love someone who decided to not be a part of your life anymore (e.g leaving ) you can easily forgive them and not Hold a grudge on them as long as you both talked about it and agreed that that is the best for both of you.

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4. Consider that you do it for your own good not the other’s

5. I have poor memory. Need a good memory to remember grudges.

6. You put on a scale the person that hurt you and your life without them. If the person is more important, you will found the will to continue with your life. If holding this person in your life, cause you more pain, is time to let them go.

7. I just have bad memory and very low of an ego. I don’t think people do things out of malice unless it’s a pattern. Even then I don’t assume malice just let them know my boundaries and expectations.

8. Of course I can forgive someone who didn’t mean to hurt people. That’s easy, all you need is a little empathy.

   However, that doesn’t mean I’m a pushover. Some things are unforgivable

9. I am wildly forgetful and can never remember to hold a grudge!

10. The person you hurt the most by holding a grudge, is yourself.

11. I just can’t be arsed to care 😂

12. You choose to let it go. We all make mistakes and I find it useful to give others the benefit of the doubt and assume their intentions were good even if they hurt me in some way. Holding onto a grudge doesn’t benefit you in any way

13. I have ADHD.

14. It’s a gift and a curse; as easily as i come to care for people and grow attached is just about as easy for me to stop caring about them and let things go.

    What took me a long time to learn, however, was the ability to remove myself after i’ve been shown a persons true colors; i’d find myself being betrayed repeatedly on the same offenses.

15. I like myself more than I can hate someone else. Forgiving doesn’t have to mean forgetting, and I mean more like a boundary than a grudge.

    I can forgive very easily and still protect myself from further harm, which is what prevents a grudge for me. Sometimes I find that I really am holding a grudge and I have to remind myself that it’s hurting me way more than it’s hurting them and then I’m back to the top there *I like myself more than I can hate someone else*

16. Holding a grudge costs energy, why the fuck would I spend energy on something and someone so useless.

    Also I have one big grudge that takes up all my free grudge slots. I’m working on getting rid of it, but it will probably take a lifetime.

17. Coming for tips on how to not hold a grudge because I’ve been holding about 3 for varying amounts of time, the longest being 6 years

18. Either you let go of the person, or you let go of the feeling and accept the situation as is but keep personal space from that person. Last but not least is if you have this person in your life and you forgiven them, and have them a second chance its because you trust that person will improve or you know when to exit if it doesn’t change without hard feelings.

19. My dad was a grudge holder. My husband pouts. Let’s all let a black cloud hover over our heads for a week before we have a discussion, clear the air and get to be friends again. Sweet Mary Magdalene. This is small scale war. Two nations killing thousands until they finally come to the table and do what they were going to do all along, talk. It is a form of bullying. I don’t let my husband pout for more than half an hour anymore. I will not let him ruin my day because he is upset about something said in passing or misunderstood. I hassle him until he spills and then we make up or fight it out or get over it.

20. What benefit do grudges give me? I legitimately can’t think of any. Knowing that, I have no reason to hold one.

21. A lot of times, things end up working out for the better. The sooner you can accept what happened and forgive that person, the sooner you can welcome whatever gift comes as a result of it.

22. When people are mean it’s about them not you. I just don’t take anything personally and try not to let people hurt my feelings. I’m confident in myself and can admit when I am wrong or make a mistake. Holding grudges only hurts you the other person doesn’t care. Don’t let people take advantage of you, set boundaries and stand up for yourself. It’s not always easy, sometimes something gets to you but just shake it off.