I matched with this girl in bumble a couple of days ago. We hit it off right away and asked to meet up for a double date. However, she was a lot chubbier in person. We did talk a lot, had great conversations and have a lot in common. She told me she gained 40 pounds after her dad died a year ago and now trying to get back to how she was. I understand what happened to her and she must’ve went through a tough time. However, I feel like horrible person because I’m honestly not sexually attracted to chubby girls. Including her, I go to the gym a lot, take care of myself, and am very active and also attracted to that. She seems to really like me and want a serious relationship, I told her I want take things slow. We’re planning a second date soon and not sure what to do?
34 comments
Get a gym membership and go together. Get over the fact she is chubby too. Your probably not a Chippendale dancer either. You need to be able to have a relationship between the 10 mins of sex ever so often. If you hit it off then 95% is solved already.
Let her know you had a good time but don’t feel a romantic connection. No need to go on a second date if you don’t have a sexual attraction.
If you’re still not feeling it on the second date then break it off. Don’t drag it because you feel bad
she’ll lose weight for you, a safe rate is 2 lbs/week, so, figure she’ll start looking good to you in 3-4 months (she’ll grow on you, so more likely 1/2 that I suspect)
got some patience? I mean, that would be ‘taking things slow’
take her out for long walks / hikes
Don’t waste her time with a second date. You both should have the same opportunity to be loved as you are. If you’re not attracted to her, you’re getting in the way of her success just as much as your own.
If you aren’t into her then let her go but if you have any decency you will let her go for good. Don’t go running back once she drops the weight and you suddenly want to bang her because the hard work on her part is over.
Nothing wrong with preferences man she was deceptive.
Don’t go to the second date dude. A lot of guys want BBW. It ain’t you. Let her find someone who wants her
Don’t take her on a second date and waste her time like that.
Then you are not interested in here that’s it. You just went on a date, you didn’t marry her. Just let her know that you had a great time, that you found her pretty rad but unfortunately you are not feeling it romantically. And move on.
If you don’t like her, then you don’t like her. Doesn’t have to be any more complicated than that.
Whenever I read posts about the girl or guy being “chubbier” than their pictures, I’m always super curious as to what they look like.
Either way, you seem like a pretty decent dude, so allow her to find someone who would be interested in her. Who knows, maybe this could be the beginning of a really good friendship between
The two of you.
A lot of girls do that. Most of them can’t live without those camera filters. But at the same time she could be telling you the truth, she might have just gained weight, it happens.
As for my advice, if I’m not attracted to her, no second dates. I will just tell her honestly that I had a great time but we won’t be seeing each other anytime soon.
Guys literally just ghost me after a few days from texting. Just be mature, explain maturely you see her as a friend only.
She’s just not your type. And that’s OK.
Be kind though. No need to go at her about her body.
Keep being friends, and as soon as she gets back in shape ask her out again.
Well u seem like a decent dude, but don’t compromise urself for her. Just yeah be nice and opt for friendship instead. Maybe try to nicely put her on the friendzone
You can’t force yourself to be physically attracted. It’s best to be honest with her (in a gentle way if possible). That’s much better than unintentionally leading her on. Good luck!
I’m a man, but in the first 10 months of COVID I gained over 50lbs after losing my job and having to take my relationship at the time to long distance. Rapid weight gain can be a byproduct of depression and hard times.
She very well could be telling the truth, but it will take months or even years for her to get back to her previous self. And you’re going to feel like a prick waiting around for her to do that. She might be a great person you could have a great relationship with, but she also maybe needs to be in a better place mentally before she can be in a relationship.
For reference, it took me about a year to lose half that weight and I’m still working on getting back to my pre-COVID health.
I would never use camera filters on a dating app. It is manipulative to guys.
Really depends on how important the physical aspect is for you.
Are you the kind of person who grows to become more attracted to someone as you get to know them? Then things might work out fine, like you said you have a lot in common and hit it off well. Plus she’s working to lose weight.
But if you are very strict with your sexual preferences, and attraction doesn’t grow on you, then it’s probably a no go. No need to lead her on if you’re already sure it won’t work out in the end.
Hard to say. It sounds like it would take a big time investment before she was attractive to you again. 40 pounds could easily take a year to lose. If she makes consistent progress and is at a 500 cal deficit every day.
I’ll say what they won’t, you’re here to have your guilt assuaged.
Yeah, you don’t seem like an ass, but you are shallow. Sorry, but it’s true.
Why did you agree to a second date if her looks are so horrendous?
Sounds like yall had a decent connection and you were as excited to meet her as she was you, now youve only set her up to be hurt, because youll have to reject her in one way or another. Just get it over with and let her find a nicer guy. She’s probably a catch that you’ll miss out on. But if you can’t see the value of investing in a person for who they are and not what they look like then you’re probably just sol.
Oh, and a lot of women get married have a kid then 🎈 balloon up. Could be your future anyway. 🙃
Here’s the deal with inaccurate photos. They’re a lie. The people posting them know they don’t look like those shots…
So the very first thing they did in the pursuit of meeting someone was lie to them. Big/tall/tiny/skinny/athletic/shredded… it doesn’t matter.
Tell her you’re not interested in moving forward. Because realistically, she’s going to gain weight again at some point. Pregnancy, another loss, stress, age, whatever. If you can’t be attracted to her because of that, then you need to move on and let her find someone that is attracted to her.
You could help her with her diet program and make her a friend to see if she makes progress in that direction.
Don’t wait for her to reach out or even worse ghost her, just text her something like:
“Hey, I really enjoyed the time with you and you seem like a very nice person but I thought about it and I don’t really see us long-term/the romantic connection isn’t there. Thank you for the meeting and good luck with your future dates”
She is at fault for not updating her pictures but you shouldn’t have agreed to a second date if you didn’t feel it.
Just make sure your decision is final, it is difficult to find a decent person on OLD.
Not gonna work if you have to force it. Plus, this is a minor form of catfishing – she did not represent herself truthfully. Maybe remain friends?
That happened to me a while ago. He had both chubby and fit photos on his profile. His profile photo on whatsapp was very fit too so i thought that’s supposed to be his recent body shape. When i met him, he was chubbier than i imagined. I first wanted to keep the date really short and go home but i thought that’d be rude and decided to stay at least an hour or two. We ended up spending 6 hours together that day. We had another date in two days, and the day after that he came to my place.
I don’t know what exactly happened but about an hour into the date he started to look really sexy to my eyes. I went from trying to secretly message my friends to call me for a fake emergency to not wanting to home. And i’ve had one of the hottest first kisses of my life that night.
So if you didn’t feel that spark on the first date, i don’t think it’s going to work. I don’t think it’s entirely about her body, maybe it’s just not meant to be.
If she can’t be honest at the start by not putting an up to date photo then she’s not going to be honest in a relationship. Run and run fast.
Just tell her you’re not feeling any deep connection at the moment with her and just want to be friends.
She catfished you. I like many different body types, but if a woman misrepresents herself in her photos that’s an instant dealbreaker for me. I won’t even stay for one drink, let alone waste hours of my life talking to someone on a date that I’m not into who lied about their appearance.
Be honest with her, but don’t be a dick. Since you both hit it off and have a great connection, maybe try pursuing a friendship. Just tell her that you really want to try having a friendship before getting into something more serious.
My very best friend is my ex boyfriend. We dated for 4 years (and lived together) and have been platonic friends for 7 years. We are really close and we talk daily. We love each other deeply, but not romantically. It is possible to have a great friendship with the opposite sex, even when you have a history with them (and it was just one date)
Every person in this world including you, deserves to be wanted. So please tell her asap that you didn’t feel romantically connected despite of her being a wonderful person. Goodluck!