Frustrated

I know the answers but it doesn’t make it any easier

30 year old software engineer. Never been on a date. (My fault)

1) established in my career
2) not obese, quite slim actually
3) independent
4) people tell me I’m handsome even though I have a bit of teeth crowding
5) confident in my abilities
6) confident in my personality and ability to relate to people

4 years of swiping on tinder and 300 dollars and I don’t have a single date.

Yes social anxiety screwed me over.

No you don’t want someone who had social anxiety. You think you do, but your body will scream no, because it will pick up on it and you just won’t feel it.

I know social anxiety is the problem but I just can’t get rid of it, ADHD kinda keeps it around all the time, even when I am confident in talking with people.

I know what to do, keep putting myself out there

But it’s like stabbing myself in the stomach again and again and again thanks to the ADHD RSD

And yea, I have been to therapy, coaching and meds for 10 years.

I have done all the work on my anxiety that I can. Theres nothing left to work on.

I know once I’m through the door I be able to navigate the relationship fine, probably not though because after this long I’m going to have anxious attachment disorder. So it would be another thing I have to work on, to self improve. Not being in a relationship this long will be some sort of ticking time box that would eventually drive the other person away.

I want a break from self improvement. The thought that I am a red flag frustrates me even more.

Yes I ought to be happy by myself. But no, people who are not happy get into relationships all the time.

Now that stated how hopeless I feel, I’ll ask for advice properly. I know my core issue is the anxiety. I FEAR coming across like a creep. I FEAR losing opportunities with people. The social anxiety makes it difficult push through a barrier and ask someone out randomly, because I usually know the answer.