I feel like she might be checking out but not indicating this to me. We had a pretty big argument over the weekend, and I’m not sure if we’re going to recover from it. I really don’t want to mention what the argument was over other than that it was over a pretty minor thing (something that we wouldn’t have argued about if we were together in person) that just blew up, and then I said some mean things (specifically, “maybe we should just break up”) out of frustration.
She told me the following day that she felt so hurt by what I said and that it did a number on her. We had a heartfelt talk for almost the whole day. We’re really longing for each other because we are currently long distance (she’s away for a year and will be back in june) and this distance is causing us so many issues. I told her I miss her and she started crying really badly. I don’t know why, but I somewhat expected this. She told me “every time you say you ‘miss me’ it breaks my heart that I can’t feel you. every time you say this, I want to hug you. every time you say I love you, I want to kiss you. every time you look sad, I want to hold you” and this started making me tear up because she knows I’ve felt vulnerable lately with the distance. I asked her “when you look into your phone, do you see me differently after last night?” She told me “no. you know I still love you and I see you the same way as I always do”. I can’t remember what happened after that but we ended up falling asleep together on the phone and I saw that we’re still connected until 6am.
Also note, that we both noticed that as soon as the distance started, we were both getting needier and needier.
Then today has been weird.
She always exchanges a good morning text with me in the morning when she goes to work, but I didn’t get one today. I texted her and she saw my message that I felt sad not to be able to see her in the morning like we usually do and that I’m feeling vulnerable right now due to the argument we had on saturday. She responds to me with a gif of a baby that’s seemingly doing an indifferent/sarcastic sad face/cry. I don’t know what she’s try to say, but she didn’t text again
She got off work early. Then we had this convo (note she’s always excessive with calling me “babe” and there was none of that today)
Me: Are you on your lunch break? Do you want to call?
Her: No
Her: I got out early
Her: but I can’t talk properly right now
Me: Did something happen?
Me: Do you want to call me anyways or wait until later?
Her: It’s the way I’m feeling. I can’t talk right
Me: I’m worried about you babe. Is this because of what happened between us?
Her: No. It’s everything (I think she’s alluding to the other issues she’s had outside of our relationship which are mostly related to financial difficulty, and these have been a constant problem the past 2 months). I can’t. Sorry. I just can’t.
Me: I’m here for you. use me.
Her: No. I can’t
Me: Yeah I’m not saying you need to call me. But I’m here in other ways. You don’t have to go through things alone.
Her: Thanks really <heart emoji> but I don’t want to keep burdening you with my stuff.
Me: The only thing burdensome is our arguments. I have never once felt burdened by you explaining your issues. But I also respect that some people would prefer to keep things to themselves. But just know that I’m here and I don’t see it as a burden.
Then she hearted my last message and I haven’t heard from her since.
We usually call every night too and that hasn’t happened yet, but we are supposedly going to talk later.
I’m not liking this. This is not us and I’m feeling really really anxious going into this phone call and actually started hyperventilating (I think first time in my life?) a few hours ago.
What should I do? I am really bad at saying the right things sometimes, so I’m scared I’m just going to freeze and not know what to say or say something bad accidentally because I’m not thinking properly.
​
​
tldr; GF moved out of country temporarily for a year and won’t be back until june. we’ve argued more and more the longer she’s been gone. had a big argument on saturday night over something small, something that we wouldn’t have argued over in person, and I got so frustrated that I pretty much broke up with her. Made up the following day. Then she started acting distant today. We will have a talk later and I’m looking for suggestions on how to approach this call and what questions to ask to get us over this hump one way or another.
1 comment
She needed space and you didn’t give it, you basically told her to take care of you emotionally when she was handling other things (evenbif it was only her own emotions). Smothering is the word that comes to mind.
When you’re feeling like this you need to reach out to a random friend or family member who is in the headspace to chat with you through your anxiety. She was not and you didn’t respect it. Wait for her to reach out to you.