Title summarizes pretty well. I got out of an extremely abusive relationship a few years ago, and just recently started seeing someone. I’m more or less looking for advice if I’m overthinking it or I’m not ready, or something else? Help? Lol
Edit to add: I’m kind of nervous to post details here because I don’t want to get a lot of messages from dudes just trying to get the details. Please DM me if you think you can offer some advice.
3 comments
In Australia there’s a 1800 Respect number. They were an awesome help to my friend. Completely anonymous and non judgemental. She also got some closure from the fact that her assailant is doing some jail time for what he did to her. Possibly the main thing I learnt from trying to be there for my friend was that she wasn’t interested in me trying to problem solve. She just wanted me to listen. Do you know any good listeners? Feeling heard seems integral in recovering from trauma.
I don’t really have advice, but I am in the same situation right now. I have done years of therapy since leaving, and thought I was pretty much over it. My current relationship is getting more serious now and I am struggling to trust and not be an anxious mess. I am really open about this with my new partner and he is extremely understanding. I just keep reminding myself that my new partner is not the old person and that I am safe and loved. Also started therapy back up. If you want to chat, feel free to DM me.
I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years. honestly I spent a lot of time to myself and thought I was healed and when I started talking to a guy it felt like I didn’t heal at all. threw me right back into a PTSD loop. it sucked. I was uncomfortable with his affection, I had nightmares of him doing things to me that my ex would do, the whole nine yard. I ended up staying with him BUT going back to therapy. felt guilty a lot too, half bc mu ex and half bc I was feeling so weird and dissociative when I started out with my now boyfriend. really just did not feel familiar with myself anymore I guess.
but I am still with this guy and love him so much and he’s the total opposite of my ex and we’re moving to a beautiful state next year and couldn’t be happier. I say go for it, you’re definitely gonna feel some type of way when you get back into the dating pool no matter how much time you’ve spent healing. to me it was like putting that alone time healing to the test finally by starting a new relationship I guess and learning to work with a healthy relationship. it’s rough but if the guy is right for you it’ll be okay. of course always be wary of red flags you saw in your ex and don’t be afraid to set your boundaries. you deserve love and security and safety.