Over the last few months, I find myself being increasingly disgusted by the thought of being in a committed, long-term, healthy relationship.
Especially when it comes to living together, cooking for your partner (uhh gender roles in my country still have a large impact on relationships), seeing that stupid swollen face every goddamn morning (like I’m not ready enough to d-word yet in the morning), not being able to be yourself… When I think I’ll have to show my true self to my partner, be it my face without makeup or my true personality, I just lose my shit. Almost everyone I know lives with their partner or dreams of it, but when I think that I won’t be able to throw and break things and cry the shit out of my lungs when I’m enraged and then smoke 3 cigs in a row with eyes red from crying too much, since my partner can see everything and obviously not gonna like that, I just can’t understand HOW someone can dream of losing their freedom and all opportunities to be themselves and do what they want and what they’re used to.
I don’t have such problems with my friends, I love them and I know they love me too and accept me even tho I’m such an asshole. But becoming THAT close with a romantic partner really grosses me out, and I don’t know why.
At first I thought it could be because I simply envy those in healthy and loving relationships, but then again, I’m never gonna commit to anyone, I’m disgusted by the idea of being committed to, so how could I even feel a slightest bit of envy in the first place?
And before you assume: no, I’m not aromantic, I do develop romantic feelings and always know when I have them. No, I’m not a lesbian either, I’m attracted to men and women equally (and feel disgust thinking of such deep relationships with both).
Deep inside I believe that no one is ever gonna love me and that’s why I’m actually pissed off… but then again, my family and my friends love me, and I often attract other people romantically, so that too probably is not a right answer.
7 comments
You’re just in your h o e phase. Shouldn’t take more than 5 years for your mind to change. Could be as little as a day if you recognize now that it is not what’s best for you.
because you are not in a place to want a long terms relationship at your age. you want to be single and free. maybe your mind will change down the road
No one can answer that. Have you considered therapy and talking to a professional to see if you can figure it out or find ways to get over it?
This isn’t a healthy mentality to have, idc what some feminists or older single women will tell you, you won’t be happy by yourself. You’re in your prime years at 22, you’ll only be this good looking and attractive once, just being honest but right around 30 I guarantee your thoughts will change as you become more lonely and seeing everyone around you getting married/having kids. Don’t waste your youth, get some help and at least make an attempt to remedy these issues.
Maybe a long-term relationship isn’t for you; there’s nothing wrong with that.
Maybe a long-term relationship is for you and you just haven’t found a person who makes a long-term commitment seem appealing and worthwhile.
Age could be a huge factor along with a lot of other things.
When i was 18-22 i wanted *nothing* to do with a relationship. A lot of personal factors influenced that too though but me wanting to be a free YA had a lot to do with it.
But when i turned 26 i had a lot of life realizations and epiphanies and i definitely realized i 100% want it. Even regretted some missed opportunities. Eventually you realize your friends are gonna start shacking up and your ma and pa won’t be around forever to keep you company and on top of all of that a good long term relationship is a major part of the human experience.
A lot of stats support monogamous dating being a big factor against late life loneliness(even among divorced singles surprisingly enough!), so my advice is to have your fun for now but don’t completely close the door on it. If the right person comes around and you start changing your mind then give it a shot!
Just go date Some Fkboys then. I guarantee u won’t be a stable committed relationship. Lol
Or just be single and alone if u truly feel u don’t want to be in a relationship.
If ur that worried about gender roles then date a more feminine guy who will also be ok with being a stay at home dad who cooks and cleans etc.
I mean cool you sound un-pleasent so continue not to date and you and the world will be happy.