Me and my girlfriend have been together for half a year now. I knew her for a 8 months prior to that too. This is my first real relationship. I’ve been with girls before but only casually or when I was very young.
I think the fact I haven’t had much experience in this regard before and now being in a proper relationship at 25 is paralysing me. For the first month or two I was very happy and riding the wave. However, as time has gone on I’m becoming more and more scared of her cheating on me. Sometimes these thoughts will consume most of my day. And I have little to believe she is disloyal either.
Before, I was happy with stuff, but now even a text message from her feeling ‘off’ or a short reply makes me anxious sometimes. If she says she’s out? Anxiety. If she opens platonic messages with her guy friend infront of me? Anxiety. It’s honestly ridiculous.
The way I cope with it is by re-reading sweet messages she sent me, or remember her saying I’m perfect, or whatever else. But the more anxious I get the more I use remembering the sweet moments as crutches, and it means I actually take the happiness out of those memories by using them in such anxious ways.
I know I’m scared of losing her, I know I have an abandonment issue in general. But how do I start to just be at peace? I feel like I have to be on top form in the relationship 24/7, and if I slacken off and we have a boring day together then I worry she’ll think the spark is gone. I’ve never mentioned the fear of her cheating to her because it’s ridiculous. I did mention my fear of abandonment a few weeks back and she nearly cried because of how emotional I was. That’s why all of these thoughts are all ridiculous and exhausting. How do I just let everything be?
**TL;DR: consuming thoughts of girlfriend being disloyal daily, not sure how to just let it be**
1 comment
To me, there are three parts to this:
1) Acceptance of risk – There is risk in everything we do in life. Get in a car? It can crash horribly. Go on a cruise? The boat could sink. Get a pet? They’re gonna die. Go to a bar? Someone can spike your drink. Dating comes with risk. Of course they could do things to break your heart! But the only thing you can do to avoid that is to lock yourself in a bubble and stop enjoying life. So – on some level, you just have to decide that the risk is worth it – and if she cheats, she cheats – and that says more about her than it does about you.
2) Self-esteem – when you love yourself, you know that you are an awesome person and that she would be a fool to cheat. You are as much of a prize as she is. When you believe this, it’s easier to stop worrying
3) Picking a good person – it’s really kind of an insult to her to think she would cheat. It’s saying that you believe she’s an immoral person. Do you think she is an immoral person? If so, you probably shouldn’t be dating her to begin with