I’m absolutely fucking tired of this life. I never asked for it. I just wanted to be a common person with a regular life. I can’t help but feel so lonely. No friends to go out and have fun with. No work/college mates to hang out with because they don’t like me much. Not being included in anything or by anyone whatsoever. Nobody caring if I’m dead or alive. Nobody wishing for birthdays. Nobody staying friends for longer than two years. I feel like it’s all my fault. (Cue Anti-hero lyrics).
Why am I such an outsider. I tried everything. Being helpful, standing my ground, being kind, minding my own business, being serious, being funny, being considerate. I have bent over backwards most of my life so to keep my friends but never more than two years I’ve been able to keep em. At least i could get invited to rare events but that to nobody cares. They all send me snaps of them partying on snapchat but fuck nobody ever thinks i could be invited. I myself tried throwing parties and outing and for that they came but never ever did i hear from them again. What’s wrong with me? Am i so intolerable? I feel a crazy rage sometimes when I’m alone or when driving. Might as well crash and die because truly what’s the point of it all.
TL;DR : I’m lonely and now my intrusive thoughts are just beginning to get to me. I’m tired of pretending being lonely and not being invited hurts. Because it does so bad.
3 comments
I can relate to what you’re feeling, sometimes you just do anything you can (being kind, offering help, put yourself out of your comfort zone etc.) but it doesn’t work. My opinion on this is that people nowadays tend to care more about material things than anything, and being a good friend sometimes just isn’t it.
I don’t have many friends, but even though I know I can talk to them and go out with them whenever I want, there are times when I feel that I am not always the first choice (or the second, third, nth choice), and feel left out.
The problem is that there’s not much we can do about it.
Some years ago it was something that totally would have crushed me, but right now (most of the times) I just feel a bit bothered by it. I think the key is enjoying our own company, and friends are something that just adds up to it.
I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, and I hope your day will get better.
“Watch your thoughts, they become your words;
watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they
become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch
your character, it becomes your destiny.” – Lao Tzu
Remember why you came here. You are an outsider for a reason. You need to look deep within, we are the shadows and the light. Once you know more about what makes you tick you will reconnect with your purpose.
Once you learn who you are then you can find like minded people to get along with. The life is what you make of it. You can surrender or you can be victorious. Remember that steel is forged…tough situations create tough people.
Message me if you want to talk. I am rooting for you. Don’t be afraid to be who you are.
Good Luck
Same. I just find something productive to get myself busy with instead of letting these (same) thoughts have any effect.