Posting on a throw away for some extra privacy. I think a 3 way is a great idea, and as a pansexual, it’s something I want as well. We have been together nearly 4 years, and spicing things up sounds like a lot of fun. That said, I have no interest in having sex with strangers. My body count is exactly 2, and the idea of sleeping with someone I don’t have some sort of existing emotional connection with is probably off the table. I am also incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of inviting one of our friends into this. I moved far away from home after highschool and never managed to make friends until recently. Now I’m afraid of being in a position where I may lose those people.
My partner is doing his best to navigate this in a way that doesn’t make me feel pressured or guilty, but he also feels like there are no real alternatives to the above, and that I’m shutting down the conversation. He is understandably frustrated. So am I.
Final thing of note, we have some close friends who are willing to participate. All parties are on board and excited by the idea. We have been swapping pics with them and really enjoying the experience. The problem is, they live on the other side of the country, and as of right now, we simply don’t have the resourses to swing an in person visit.
I’m not sure how to navigate this conversation anymore, it always turns into a fight, and leaves me feeling inadequate. I understand that my needs have really backed us into a corner here, but I want to be able to nurture my partner’s needs and wants as well. Most importantly, I am hypothetically on board, I just don’t have any real ideas on how to make this happen right now. Other than this our relationship and sex life is generally healthy, and we are happy together.
Is the best course of action trying to venture out of my comfort zone? Or should we just wait until we have a chance to see the friends who are already on board? Obviously, I am biased towards that second option.
TLDR: partner wants a 3 way, but I’m an uncreative prude, with no real idea how to go about this. No clue how to make all parties happy.
3 comments
If the *conversation* always turns into a fight, imagine what him having sex with someone else in front of you can do.
If you think “venturing out of your comfort zone” is a great way to progress in the relationship, then maybe this is a great idea. Just remember that bringing someone else into your bedroom isn’t something that you can undo. If this conversation is causing you to feel inadequate and he’s still having it, it doesn’t matter what words you use, he is not “doing his best” to not make you feel pressured.
This requires both of your consent and comfort. Of course this will be a new area for both of you, so you will have to step outside of your comfort zone for a bit.
I think the friend route makes sense. Maybe find a time where you and your BF can travel to one of the friends? Maybe meet in the middle? Maybe work on your nearby friends?
Good luck! This is a tough one
Say no and stick to it. There are so many stories on Reddit about people who didn’t want to, then did and it ruined the relationship. If you don’t want to and he forces the issue, it is probably at a critical place anyway. Stand up for yourself.