I made a similar post recently about this. But new guy [31M] I’m [27F] dating has what appears to be erectile dysfunction? We have sex regularly but he’s never been fully hard. He doesn’t have trouble cumming, he’s cum each time after about 5 minutes of PIV. He is an amazing guy and extremely generous in bed with oral and fingering, he always makes sure I’m satisfied so I have no complaints there.
We’ve only really been able to do missionary and I think it’s due to the angle and him not being fully hard, so missionary is kind of all that “works”. The other night he asked me to go on top and I was so excited because I LOVE cowgirl and I know I’m good at it. (I’d avoided asking to mix up positions previously as I assumed he didn’t want to due to him being quite soft and the position not being possible).
I was on top for a few minutes. He slipped out a few times due to the softness so I ended up doing more of a grinding motion. As this started feeling good and I went a bit quicker, he slipped out and I got worried I’d hurt him when bouncing back down on him (I say “bouncing” but I was being quite gentle and slow with it as I was worried about this happening). He was fine but he asked to go on top again, and that was that.
I guess I’m feeling a little disappointed. I love sex and I’m good at it and I want to express that to him. Sex is one of the biggest ways I express my affection and care for someone and I feel like I can’t fully show him. As I mentioned he’s so giving and generous which I appreciate but I also want to be able to return the favour for him. I also love giving oral but even when I’ve attempted this with him, while he seems to enjoy it based on his moans, he’s ended up stopping it and hasn’t been able to get fully hard during.
I guess I’m just a bit lost and not sure which course of action to take. It feels way too soon to ask him about such a personal thing and all my previous partners have always been rock hard in bed so I have no experience with this. Do I give it more time? Do I be bold and just initiate positions myself without worrying they won’t work due to his softness? Do you think he’d be aware of all of this?
3 comments
Jeez throw the guy a couple Viagras and call it a night!
In order for a guy to be rock hard, his arousal has to be high and he has to have good blood flow to his penis. Think of a penis as a balloon with blood pressure making it expand.
If he smokes, has high blood pressure, drinks too much or has high cholesterol that can reduce blood flow so he won’t get very hard. Medications can also cause ED. Psychological problems such as anxiety or depression can cause performance issues. His testosterone could be low.
Search online for Mayo Clinic ED Causes and you’ll see a complete list of causes and solutions.
ED is complicated and is related to a lot of things (e.g., meds, drugs, stress, fatigue, health condition, hormonal fluctuations). Having a conversation with him in a tactful manner may help and may help an undiagnosed health condition. I had a few issues a while back when using AAS and my hormones were out of whack. That was easy to fix. If all else fails, Cialis and Viagra will do the trick