No one likes me. At least not enough to want to hang out with me. Almost every month I’m on Reddit trying to figure out to make friends and I just can’t do it. I try to make as much conversation as possible, but as an introvert initiating convos is very exhausting…I can only do it for so long. There’s a lot of things that make me unlikable, but I really try to hide it. I try to hide my temper and my annoying talkative side. But I have no friends. No one thinks of me when I’m gone, no one invites me places, even if I reach out first. Even dates ghost me after what I thought was good conversations. I just don’t know what to do anymore
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Maybe you’re trying too hard and you’re being pushy without noticing, but people is noticing and perhaps that’s the reason they’re avoiding you, why don’t you try a balanced version instead, don’t restrain yourself too much, be more confident and relaxed, and also learn to laugh at yourself, like try to talk about things with humor, people usually reacts well to that, when it comes to girls, like dating material, talk less and do more listening… I hope this helps you, good look and keep up!
You are being very hard on yourself. And social media connections happen over a period of time. And to find lasting friends here is not easy. Create yourself. Read more, hone your skills and talents and sure enough a conversation will begin with someone wanting to know how you do them. And don’t be about yourself. Ask about the weather and their life- to begin an interest in them to reply to you. If you expect someone to come and ask about you or your day, remember everyone will be thinking the same.
Change the stories you tell yourself, stop the negative self talk and choose to love yourself. I don’t know how to do conversations either, unless it’s a deep or nerdy topic.. i want to practice it, but where do i even start
Well, why should people like you ? It cannot be because you are lonely and need attention. What are people going to get out of being friends with you ? Typically, people look for somebody who is confident, fun, interesting to be around, or adds some kind of positive energy or positive vibes. They deduce it from the way you act and carry yourself around them. There are verbal and nonverbal cues that you give off that show you are anxious, unconfident, worrying, overthinking, etc. and they subconsciously deduce you are not that positive person they want to hang out with. For example, being overly quiet and not participating or contributing in past social interactions you had with them. You need to practice putting yourself out there and talking to people in a confident manner.
Also, people naturally recognize, appreciate, and value you when there is something respectable about you, not when you are chasing and begging for their attention and validation. Do you have skills, talents, hobbies ? Can they impact people ? People subconsciously attach you to the value you bring.
Please don’t tear me a part. But making friends irl is hard because of social hierarchy, especially in big cities. One thing I had to learn when I moved out of my parents place is that most people see relationships as transactional and want to see what you can do for them.
To be ‘Likable’ may have to lie in liking yourself and diving into your interest and naturally people with the same vibe will come to you.
But here’s a cheap trick I learned. When I get someone to talk to me, it can be about anything. I alternate between staring into there eyes to their forehead. Once they start touching their forehead, start alternating with their ears. After they start touching all parts of their face, land in with a compliment. They’ll be so relieved and won’t even know why.
Why do you want to be likable? People will just ask you for favors and loans and take advantage of you.
I tell everyone to join interest-based communities. Stick with it because at first, they’re not that much fun–it takes time and persistence to start to feel like a part of things. At the same time, it’s nowhere near as hard as going to events or new classes and having to break the ice, over and over, with random strangers. In a community, you are seeing the same people over and over again. There’s less and less ice to break. It doesn’t actually take that long to feel… well probably not a powerful sense of belonging, but at least to not feel alienated! And while feeling just okay isn’t something we tend to notice, it actually is a degree of feeling connection and belonging. Once you’re at that level, just doing reasonably enjoyable things and being around people you know and like a little bit will actually be somewhat socially fulfilling. It doesn’t fulfill the same need as having a confidant, but having a confidant doesn’t completely fulfill the need of having a community, either.
And then, the people in that community are much easier to make friends with than random people are. Maybe friendships spark up randomly in meals out after community events. Or maybe it takes a little effort to exchange contact info, keep up with them in texts at a sensible frequency, and arrange get togethers. It will also help that you’ll always have certain subjects in common–the community (the organizational side), the interest that the community is based on, and the people you both know in the community. Usually there’ll be related interests that you’ll share, as well.
So, it is very much a long game, but a lot of the rewards begin to arrive pretty early on. And in the end your social life is more full than you even intended, more full than most social people’s are.