We started out casually dating for years, ended up getting married a couple years ago kind of suddenly.
A lot of trauma has happened to us including loosing loved ones and our home, in the past years, we both changed a lot personality wise.
I think we are both triggering each other’s ptsd and it’s super unhealthy. We get aggressive, suicidal and self blaming whenever there is a small misunderstanding. I love him but this relationship is too unhealthy.
We use medical Marijuana for the Ptsd and it helps but it only treats the symptoms, and can’t use it all the time. It’s not a long term solution.
I don’t know where would I start with seperating. I make barely over minimum wage, we bought a house together because we couldn’t find affordable rent. I won’t be able to afford my own place and I have no family or friends in this country.
What are my options? I gave up on asking him to go to therapy, he agreed to taking zoloft but doesn’t do anything about seeing someone even though he agrees to whenever I ask.
I feel like I have completely changed to adapt to his lifestyle. Since the pandemic I only leave my house to get groceries. I have no social life and I feel like he is not interested in extending his/our friend circle.
I have my own friends, but they live in a different country, we keep up with each other’s lives on the internet.
I can’t find local friends and the few we mutually have left are seeing us less and less.
I feel very lonely. I do not see a happy future, but I also have no idea how I could make it alone.
3 comments
I’d probably try getting out more on your own before pulling the plug.
Are you interested in politics? Social sports like volleyball or kickball? Board games? Depending on your city there may be tons of meet ups for different interests or hobbies. Expanding your circle may lead you to realize you still love him but that the constant contact is what causes friction. Otherwise who knows, maybe you make a friend and they can give you a job recommendation that leads to more money so that you don’t feel trapped.
I’m in the exact same situation. All my family is a flight away, and I’m not from here so I don’t have friends either. I’m trying to figure it out too tbh
u/thr0w4w4yzzzzz, I’m sorry you’re in this lonely desperate situation…not uncommon during these times…and I know not making it any better for you….I’m sorry. A few thought come to mind:
1) As another suggestion said: make some friends, find a circle of women that you can relate and share life together. Will take energy and intentionality.
“A man went our to find a friend and found none.”
“A man went out to be a friend and found many”
2) Minimize social media, texting/messaging, gaming, and YouTubes. Stop pornography all together, it’ll destroy your relationship and you.
3) Join a women’s group at your local church and it’s a good start to get connected to a few good caring women. Have your husband join a men’s group there too, it’ll change your situation totally.
4) Seek counseling and get into a good therapist. Medical marijuana works only so much, but you’ll need to step out of your isolation to begin to heal.
5) With your free time after you do #2, learn the lost art of conversation. Practice with one trusted friend, just 5 mins a day for 3-4 times a week. Talk about easy things, not controversial or relational things…just superficial topics. Practice listening and responding, not reacting. Be the friend you want.
Bless you and your marriage…it’s worth hanging onto if you make the effort to do so.