I’ve only been together with my boyfriend for a month and prior to that we talked for a few weeks.
She is a really great guy in many ways. Fundamentally, we share the same opinions, which I think is support for a sustainable relationship. From the beginning he telling me he some unresolved mental health issues due to an abusive upbringing. He recognizes his issues, but has a hard time managing his emotions and it seems to cause him to overthink and overreact if I say something that bothers him. We have had some arguments over small details, which he recognizes as well, but it seems he can’t control his urge to argue over something inconsequential.
I don’t feel like he trusts me.
I want to be there for him, and to support him, and I don’t know how. I would appreciate any advice. He is in therapy, as well.
Some people may be wondering why I am pursuing this given his issues. I am pursuing it in part because of how well we get along when his emotions are regulated and how similar we are, which isn’t something I can lightly say as it rarely happens with men I’ve dated. When I look into his eyes I see someone who is scared to love, but wants to love. I also believe that me being there for him will help him. He told me he’s never had someone like me (no friends, no family, no previous partners) who is so supportive of him on an emotional level.
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tldr; BF has some lingering issues from his upbringing. It causes him to overreact to small things that aren’t worth fighting about. How can I best help him?
2 comments
Wow this is going to be a tiring life to have together.
One of the biggest mistake people make in relationships is going into it thinking they can fix someone, and then realize 5, 10, 20 years.
Good for you for wanting to tough it out if thats whag you really want to do but you cant help him. Maybe he can get therapy but, besides avoiding his triggers you cant fix him
Don’t do this to yourself. Everyone has their issues but you’ve just entered a relationship and you’re already creating a dynamic of therapist and patient.
I speak from experience. You do not want to be the one who is always trying to fix their problems. Their problems are theirs to fix. I understand you want to support him and that’s good. Help him if he needs it. But do not burden yourself by actively trying to help him with his issues. It’s a very good thing in theory but in practice? it will leave you emotionally drained and he will always come to you for help when you do not have the experience or the knowledge to help him. Best if he figures that out with his therapist.
Good luck to you!