Recently I truly realised that my mother is a manipulative person that will do and say anything to make me do what she wants. All this time I refused to believe that, I thought that there was something wrong with me, that I was making myself out to be the victim, and that I am ungrateful. But now I see how it really is and it hurts me terribly. I always wanted a mum that is loving and helps her children because she wants to, not because she can use it against them afterwards.
I finally have realised that my mother hasn’t been and won’t be the loving parental figure that I always longed for.
I feel like a small kid at my 21 years of age.
I feel like I very much want a real mum to hug me tight and tell me it’s going to be alright.
I have a new therapist appointment booked in two weeks, hopefully it will help.
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Hey OP. There’s a thread called r/raisedbynarcissists. I’m sure you can find some moral support there.
Check out r/internetparents
From there it’s building relationships in person
As someone who didn’t speak to his mother or father for years. It’s not that bad. It’s nice. No more guilt. No more listening to how your brother who’s been in/out of jail is the golden child while you’ve worked 50-hour weeks at your job for years and have helped them financially when asked.
Best decision I ever made.
r/raisedbynarcissists
Is what you’re looking for. Been there, sorry.
This is terrible to hear and I’m so sorry. It sounds like you’ve realized your mom isn’t what you’ve been imagining her to be capable of becoming one day and you’re mourning that imaginary person.
Please allow yourself to do that- it’s valid and healthy.
And don’t feel bad about how long you thought you were at fault. We’re social animals and idolizing our parents is built into us chemically.
I’m so glad you’re seeing a therapist about it!