Say it’s the 2nd or 3rd date and she lets you know before things get to serious. No hard feelings if you want to leave.

36 comments

  4. It would severely depend on how well we got along, it would make it easier to exit if that’s what I wanted but wouldn’t change anything if I wanted to be with her, it would make things trickier but not undoable

  5. Can’t say for sure.
    Could say that AIDS is manageable these days as long as she takes her medicine, but if we just started dating there’s not that kind of trust yet.

    Probably would move on though.

  7. Since it’s HIV I’d probably pass. But I wouldn’t be upset about it or anything assuming she told me before we ever had sex.

  8. I was raised during the AIDS scare back in the 80s. I remember when it was almost a guaranteed fatal disease. Having said that, I know that modern medicine works great on HIV. As long as she’s taking her medication and never missing a dose, and I’m taking a PREP, I would have no problem dating her.

  9. Idk maybe lol depends if I really click with her. Like really click. Marriage click. Just wear a bag and talk to my doctor about the risks and stuff. Like anal would be off the table sadly. Maybe.

  10. I know the chance of transmission is extremely low if she’s taking her meds, but I grew up during the HIV epidemic and I couldn’t get past it.

  11. I would respectfully bow out. I’m not putting my life in someone else’s hands if they are managing the disease correctly.

  12. Had an aunt who died really young after contracting hiv. After weighing up the pros and cons and not finding many pros, I’d have to leave but would say thank you for telling me in advance cos damn

  13. I’d tell her I’m concerned but not necessarily scared away. I’d have questions and I’d let her know I’d like to do some research. Just so I know what we’re dealing with and how to be safe about it because honestly I don’t know enough about HIV to just be like “yeah no prob!”

  14. I’d have to be super into her to consider it. My initial thought was no way because I want to have kids, but it looks like with medication the chance of passing it down to your kid is less than 1% so that’s not so bad. It is something to consider though. If I knew she had it from the start I probably wouldn’t get involved. At the same time though, I don’t think someone with HIV is obligated to tell anyone they meet or go on a date with. Just obviously don’t have sex before that information is shared.

  15. It would take a very long talk and a lot of research on my part before I’d be able to decide what to do and it would be on an individual basis just because I’m ok with it with one girl doesn’t mean if we broke up that I would be OK with it with a different girl

  17. With my lifestyle, at this point in my life, I would have to bow out. I understand the medical advances. And a little later in life, maybe not an issue. But it just wouldn’t fit how I live right now. Damn sure no disrespect to her for having it.

  20. Nope, I’m out. I have other medical issues, and the risk of any immuno-compromising disease being laid on top of that is too high for me.

  23. Thank her for her honesty, and have a long conversation about how she got it, the chance of infection, and safe boundaries moving forward.

    It’s not a dealbreaker, but it’s not the kind of thing you fuck around with.

  24. First and foremost, appreciate her honesty. Not many people look out for other’s safety like this.

    Second of all, she could take medication to make the virus undetectable and therefore, impossible for you to contract it. You could also wear condoms and take PrEP, making it even less likely to contract HIV.

    HIV is not the death sentence it once was. If you believe she might be worth it there are ways to go about it.

  25. I would give them a chance if you like them! Just like anybody else that you’re interested in. She has shown you bravery and respect, knowing what she might lose (you).

  26. As long as she’s taking her medication properly and proves she’s got undetectable levels, it’s fine. I think I might be paranoid about seeing her take it everyday, but that’s because I’m terrible at taking medication so I’d be projecting.

    I’m not sure if I’d have to be on prep as a precaution? It seems silly if you don’t need it, but I’d have to look at the current protocols around it. I think that’s the thing that would have more impact on me, if I had to take prep. Because how does it impact my body and do I feel like this is someone I really want to be with. If internally I felt like prep wasn’t a big deal, it would be because I’m genuinely interested in her.

    How about you?

  28. Things would be over between us. I’d be respectful about it but there’s absolutely no way I would continue to see her regardless of her viral load, what medications she’s on or what protection we use. Do you know what else carries a guarantee of not contracting HIV? Not fucking someone who has HIV.

    I’m not messing around and risking HIV no matter how small the chance is. We could be friends, but not romantically or sexually intimate. I’d respect her honesty though.

  29. Looking in these comments cuz my sister has herpes and had lied about it to her lovers. I can now see why she can’t keep a relationship

  31. Modern medicine is at a point where if she’s on her meds the odds of transmission are incredibly low (almost zero).

    Keyword: **almost**

    I’d have to make sure she’s truly amazing before taking it to the sexual level. Also would be talking to my doctor.

    Essentially, it depends.

  32. Would definitely thank her for her honesty but I would not stay since I have basically zero health issues of any kind and would like the same.

  33. Many of ya’ll seem confused about what untransmissible actually means. Undetectable/untransmissible is determined by lab values that are a snapshot of a moment in time and are subject to change. Just because someone had an undetectable viral load at one point in time (ie, a lab test from one month ago) does not guarantee they will maintain an undetectable viral load forever (ie, one month, one year, or ten years in the future). This is something an HIV-positive person would need to discuss in depth with a potential partner, preferably with a doctor so there are no misunderstandings.

  34. There‘s someone in my family who has HIV and he lives a perfectly normal life with his girlfriend. He takes his meds and gets check ups and that‘s it.
    He can‘t pass it, he can have kids, he can live to old age.

    Everything normal except he has to take meds.
    Before I knew all of this I would‘ve said no, but these days I almost see no reason to leave.

  35. I’d let them know it doesn’t define them, learn what I can do to help, let them know they’re loved (if we’re at that point) and accepted & that I appreciate their courage & transparency. I’d learn all I could to help us live our best life together with it and treat it like any other challenge. Align together, optimally stategize, & ultimately live the best we can.

    I reread the question & “just started” popped out at me. All those things are absolutely true for the beginning of my wife & I’s relationship, and one other serious & long term relationship. I knew at the jump the quality of person they were, especially my wife, & there’s very short period of time before I was “all-in” & never out again with my wife. With my wife, there was never a moment of doubt; with an ex, a bit into it there was unnecessary, immature, jealous drama that eventually got through my thick skull as not something I could optimize despite best efforts. It was a relationship that was 99% perfect for a 9 month or so segment, then catastrophic fallout over bullshit, then rebuild & pretend all was fine (and it would be great again for another 9mos to a year, rinse & repeat.) When it became an expectation that it’d occur again & again & there was nothing I could do about it, I was out (6yrs). HIV or any other diagnosis would have significantly less effect on a relationship than having jealousy & insecurity issues.

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