So I (24/F) matched with a guy (26/M) off tinder. We added each other on socials and have been chatting for maybe 1.5 weeks. This Sunday is our first date. We are going to mini golf which I’m very excited for.
I wouldn’t say I’m new to dating, I do enjoy meeting new people but I think where I struggle is picking up whether they are interested in me DURING the date. So I don’t know whether it’s safe to make a move or if they would be uncomfortable?
I’m a confident girl but I don’t just want to throw myself at a guy. Many dates have told me I’m intimidating and guys ive dated for a few months before have said I came across not interested in the first date (I tend to shy up with physical touch if I’m unsure if they are into me or not)
What’s some good indicators that a guy is interested DURING the date (I’m not meaning after when they ask you on another date etc)
Or men, how do you show interest during the date?
2 comments
Lots of smiling with too much eye contact.
Forgive me for this long reply. But I hope its length & depth proves to be equally useful.
As a guy, I can tell you I’m not making the effort to go on a date with a woman… unless I already like her & find her attractive. Guys are usually sold on the woman before the date. She tends to get every benefit of the doubt in the beginning, until she proves him wrong with her words and/or behavior. Whatever his dating goal is, he’s interested nonetheless. Hence why he’s making moves.
Since society generally expects men to make the first move, they deal with more initial rejections. Men are so used to rejection that they’re happy when a woman they like reciprocates interest. Men deal with flaking a lot, too. Another form of rejection. So again, it’s nice when a woman sticks to her word and shows up.
If dating is a test, women start from 100, and men deduct points from there, if necessary. Don’t get me wrong, some women are amazing and earn bonus points, too. Men, however, are more likely to start from 0 points, and earn points from the woman as the dating continues. But he can also end up with negative points, and make the woman want to run asap. A woman would have to be a complete shit show disaster to end up with negative points. I’m talking comically bad.
To answer your question, the first step is determining whether you’re dealing with a confident man, or a man who is shy/nervous/inexperienced/cautious/etc.
Making this initial distinction should be the basis for any overthinking you plan to do from here 😂
A confident man won’t leave you confused. He’s going to act as if you’re already into him. He’s going to tease you, he’s going to break that touch barrier, he’s going to kiss you whenever he feels like it, and lead things as far as you’re willing to indulge. And you’ll get the vibe that he’s comfortable in his own skin the entire time. The idea of rejection doesn’t hold him back.
The other kind of guy can have multiple reasons for “not showing” interest, depending on which attribute describes him best. But what they all have in common is uncertainty that stems from a lack of confidence. This is why I said all that stuff about men starting off with a positive impression of the woman. Him setting up the date and actually being there is your indicator!