My gf and I have been dating for 6 years. Up until we moved in together 6 months ago, we were long distance for 2.5-3 years.
I was pretty lonely those 3 years. I only saw her once every 6 months, and I had no friends where I was living. On the “bright” side I never had time to think about how lonely I was, because I was working 65 hours a week and had no time to do anything anyways.
Then finally everything aligned 6 months ago, I got a remote job, and she got her dream job in a new city, and we moved to a new city together.
At first, everything was great. Lots of physical affection and intimacy. We spend a lot of quality time together.
Then, she started making friends at work, which I am happy about because I want her to be happy. I like her friends too, They’re good people. Now, we don’t spend any time together. She’s always with her friends.
I feel like a jealous a**hole for even thinking about how this makes me feel, but I am unhappy. I have no friends here, and work remote so I have nobody to talk to ever. Which I realize is my problem not hers.
When she’s not with her friends, she’s glued to her phone or watching TV. Not to be that guy, but I never had cable TV my whole life, so I don’t get the appeal. But when we are home together, which is less and less, she’s either watching tik Tok on her phone, or glued to the TV, which I can’t interrupt.
We both travel for work too which makes it even harder to spend time together.
Intimacy has fallen off completely. She used to request sex multiple times a day. Now we are only intimate once a month, and I’m the one that initiates it 9/10 times.
Now, when I try to initiate it, she rejects me. Either to go to sleep, which I get, or watch tik tok on her phone. That hurts. She used to treat me like she wanted me, now I’m lucky if she initiates a hug.
Nothing about me has changed. I’ve even been working out extra and taking supplements to try to be more attractive. Despite being in the best shape of my adult life, and lifting heavier weights than I ever could, I feel unattractive. (I used to have an eating/exercise disorder in my teens)
Overall I am just feeling very down. I’ve talked to her about how lonely I feel, and she suggested I need to make friends, which is true but I struggle with that. I’ve been trying.
I have not tried discussing the lack of intimacy with her because I don’t even know how to approach that. (Worth noting, she started taking a new birth control after we moved in together, maybe that’s related?)
I know she’s a lot busier than me, and has friends she enjoys, but I can’t help but feeling I deserve a little more attention considering I moved out here to be with her.
Tl;DR: GF of 6 years doesn’t pay me much attention anymore after moving in together
7 comments
>I have not tried discussing the lack of intimacy with her because I don’t even know how to approach that.
Rule #1 of relationships is to talk to your relationship partner about the problem that you’re having with them. Usually before soliciting advice from random people you don’t know on the internet.
Have a conversation. Tell her what is in your head.
Yes the bc pill can kill her libido. She should try a different one and get her hormone levels checked. BC and happy pills can really mess with a woman’s chemistry.
You need to get your own life in addition to your gf. Not only will you be happier, you’ll be more attractive to her because you’ll bring something new to the relationship instead of feeding off of her. There are tons of sports where guys your age have something to do together without the close friendship that guys your age are starting to spread out from. Maybe play ball at the local rec or shoot at the local clays range. Bowling leagues may be more your thing.
This is textbook new housewife syndrome. Have you made any new friends since the move?
So now that you live together everything in life is a bigger priority then you, yes you need friends in a relationship but they shouldnt be a bigger part of your life then your partner, yes she enjoys these friends but she shouldnt be just leaving you behind all the time to see these people. The intimacy should also be addressed going to once a month and then also rejecting you for tiktok videos isnt a good sign man. She has made you a bottom of the barrel priority and you now feel like shit because of it, talk to her and be blunt and honest with everything tell her how you are truely feeling because if you hold back then you wont get the desired result or conversation.
You should address this more directly, in a non aggressive or blaming way. It is possible her new birth control could cause a decreased sex drive so could be worth talking about how her new BC affects her. Intimacy is very important. Some people normalize having a lot less sex once moving in together and to some degree there is some truth in it. But not sure if that’s the case here and it shouldn’t dwindle or die out almost completely like this. That is not normal. How was your sex life before going long distance?
Time to move on and out. Things ain’t what they were? No sex either so she has no real desire for you either only as a friend?
Ask her flat out, why did she friend zone you, and assuming you live together tell her your moving out! Really sounds like your relationship has ran it’s course and time for you to move on, sorry my opinion!