Sorry this is long for the sake of trying to provide enough background info!
I am in an open marriage and my partner and I have profiles on a fetish website (the website is mostly used for sharing sexual content and meeting people to hook up). I got a direct message on that site from my younger brother’s best friend, John, who was recently married. I know it is John’s page because he used the same handle he uses for other online activity on the site, his profile pick includes his facial hair/part of his tattoos that I recognize, and the room has equipment he uses for his day job in the background. Nowhere on his page does it mention he is married or in an open relationship or anything like that. I took screen shots of his profile and blocked him because I panicked when I recognized him.
I don’t think he recognized me from my profile, I don’t have any photos of my face or identifying features, and he didn’t indicate he recognized me in the message. Also I have never liked him as a person (I’ve always found him obnoxious and annoying) and he’s never seemed to care either way about me, so I don’t think he’d knowingly message me.
I’m not sure what to do with this information. I don’t want to “out” myself for being on a fetish website or in an open marriage, but I have a huge issue with the very real possibility that John is trying to cheat on his wife. Is there any way for me to tell someone without outing myself?
The only thing I could think of is telling my brother that a friend of mine found John’s profile on a hook up app and I’m worried he’s cheating. It puts my brother in a weird position but I don’t know John’s wife at all, I met her once at a party and she seems very sweet, so I don’t want to do nothing but I’m stuck. I’m super close with my brother so I feel weird knowing this about his best triend and not saying anything. I also have mutual friends with John and my brother, they’re a very sweet married couple (early 30s M & F), so I don’t know if telling/involving them would be better. What would you all do?
Tl;dr: I got a message from my brother’s best friend on a fetish hook up website; he’s married but his profile doesn’t indicate that, so it seems like he’s cheating or trying to. I don’t know what to do with this information.
3 comments
Send it to his wife anonymously
Ask your brother if his friend is in an open marriage. If not, tell him about the profile and how to handle it.
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