So me & my boyfriend are going to go all the way (hopefully soon). We have done foreplay and oral before. But naturally I’m very nervous. I’ve heard first times are disappointing.
also, if he wears a condom, would it be okay for him to finish inside me? Or do people do the condom and pull out method together? Or should we be only doing the pull out and condom method together when I’m ovulating? and rest of the time just condom would be fine?
3 comments
Wearing a condom isn’t a 100% guarantee but it’s a pretty low chance of anything happening.. Unless the condom breaks of course.
The FAQ for this sub is a great resource, and you should definitely read through it.
Not everyone’s first time having PIV is disappointing. Even if it is, it generally gets better with time and practice with your partner.
As for contraception, it’s all about how much risk you’re comfortable with. Many people just use external condoms and finish inside the condom inside their partner. External condoms alone are around 98% effective with perfect use and 85% effective with typical use. For some people, that’s not effective enough and they want to add more methods of contraception. For others, they’re totally fine with external condoms alone.
If you want to add withdrawal to the use of condoms, that would be 99.92% effective with perfect use and 96.2% effective with typical use.
It’s up to the two of you to decide what you’re comfortable with. If a pregnancy would be the end of the world, I recommend using at least two methods of contraception at all times.
The thing that is really, really good about condoms is that when they fail, they do so in a manner that is spectacular enough that there is no doubt that it was a failure. They fail in two ways:
a) he comes out again without the condom (because it has slipped off, and is probably curled up in a corner inside you) or,
b) when he comes out again, the condom is very, very obviously broken on him.
This is why there are emergency contraceptives such as *Plan B* available. Because if you know that the condom just broke, you’ll be able to get an emergency contraceptive soon enough that it makes a difference.
Personally, I would never in a million years trust my own ability to pull out in time. And that is pretty much the problem with the pullout method. Sometimes, you are going to be such an awesome fantastic experience that he cannot control himself.
It combines decently with condoms, though. If I were you, I’d go with the condoms and not bother with the pulling out bit. But I am also not going to talk you out of wanting an extra precaution. Precautions are good. Take all precautions you feel that you need to feel safe.
It also doesn’t hurt any that you ask yourself if your favourite guy seems like a good father for your future children. Because that IS a potential outcome of having sex with him. Just saying. It IS a good idea that you two agree on some fundamental but oh so important things, so that the potentiality of that stuff is something you two have thought about occasionally. This is a pretty adult thought process and a very mature conversation to have (and you didn’t specify your age – this is not me fishing for it, just concluding that I don’t know if I ramble unnecessarily or if I’m spot on.) but it can’t hurt either of you to have thought once or twice about those things together.
Knowing that he under absolutely no circumstance wants to become a father and that THAT is at the very least 15 years away into the future for him, IS something that you should be aware of anyway.
Anyway. To understand how condoms fail, you need to understand better how they *work*; a condom is supposed to be dry in the inside and wet on the outside. Lots and lots of friction on the inside, and comparably little friction on the outside. In other words, he needs to be somewhat dry (which is difficult for some guys who are practically oozing out precum while they are aroused) before the condom goes on, and you need to be naturally wet. (if it’s problematic for you to be wet, lubrication will be a good idea there. Buy lube that works with condoms!)
If you plan to surprise him a bit with this whole sex thing, buy your own pack of condoms. Also always make sure to have more than one with you. Because
a) if something fails the first time because you cannot relax or whatever, you’d want to have a new attempt soon. And,
b) if it was awesome, you probably want to do it again soon after.
First times CAN be disappointing. And the trick there is to understand WHY they can be. And what you can do to make them less disappointing. Learning how your own arousal works and what it should feel like when you ar ready to have someone in you can be a bit tricky, since you have very few visual hints at that. If you don’t really nail that on the first attempt, remember that sitting on top of him, relaxed and kiss and cuddle can be a pretty nice way to get accustomed to him. Movement when it’s painful or very uncomfortable, is NOT the best way to get used to him. Just saying.