We have being together for two years. I have asked before in reddit, so yeah nothing is changing.
The thing is our relationhip is good, although I would like more compromise and her peioritizing me more.
In hour summer holidays she bring up a weird conversation about how she felt that knowing someone during a relationship(dates,flirting…) was not wrong. Because how could she tell if she liked more the other person without knowing him.
I told her what I felt, that it was wrong in a long term relationship. Although I probably should have ended it up there. The thing is, the last day I overlook a text from her gym trainer,innocent but flirty…
Time goes on, and she had an incident in the gym. She called the guy before anyone else(he came fast to her rescue).
I told hwr then that I found it weird her textint the guy, that it was weird she did not call the manager instead(she knows him).
She told me tey just text for classes appointment which I knew was a lie. But it felt like she was telling the truth so I ler it pass.
Times goes one and everytime I overlook her whatsaap there he is… We were drinking wirh some friends after she passed and exam, and when I looked at her she was texting him. I could not read but it was obvious that the guy is trying to hit on her…and ahe is letting happen. I got mad and stand up, she realize I was mad. She asked me why, but because we were with friends I choose to lie.
I want to confront her but I know she will just lie again.
I am lost. I feel the relationship is over, at least in the future.
I do not know what to do. We have being together two years but we know since kids, have friends in common and known each other families…
I still love her. I want to change the relationship status so that I see her as a fuckbuddy, so that I at least can stop worrying about her/us.
Any advice? Similar experiences? The only reason I have not break up is because I have not solie proof and there is always the chance I am being over sensitive. But her laci of compromise and this…I cannot trust her now
Tl;dr: My[30M] gf[29] text her personal trainrr and I dont know how to confront it
13 comments
If you don’t trust her and you keep having the same problems come up again and again and are never solved…what are you expecting as an outcome by continuing as you are doing the same things?
You don’t need “proof” to breakup, it’s not a court of law. She’s pretty obviously breaking a boundary of yours knowingly, I’d just end it.
Buddy, she’s gaslighting you. Don’t get in a scarcity mindset. You found one girl, you’ll find more and they’re likely to be the kind who wouldn’t do this to you.
Who knows, but completely based on her individual personality, you suddenly changing your behavior to “I can’t control who you interact with but I’m not sticking around for it” might jolt her enough to make her question her behavior.
Or it could not, this could just be the end of the relationship because most relationships don’t last. In that case allow yourself to feel sad for awhile but then go out and try again.
Best of luck no matter your final decision
My guy she’s already developed a emotional affairs with this man and you need to decide if you want to be with her cause she already made the conscious decision to hide conversations and interaction with this person sjes making an effort to choose him over right now
It sounds like she flat out told you that she is openly looking for your replacement. If you can emotionally separate, then maybe she’s an FWB, but not someone you can seriously commit to. If you can’t, just end it and move on.
> know she will just lie again.
if you KNOW that shes lying to you then the relationship is DEAD.
you dont lie to people you respect.
> I have asked before in reddit, so yeah nothing is changing.
So why are you wasting our time again?
keep banging her while looking for a wife or a new gf.
If you can’t trust her then the relationship is over. If you assume she’s lying the relationship is over. Just break it off.
If you told her a boundary “I’m not comfortable with you talking to x person” and she keeps talking to that person, then she is disrespecting your boundaries. That’s not something you should tolerate in a relationship.
Advice? Here’s some harsh advice:
she’s playing you like a fool. She loves the attention and validation from other men. Seems gym boy is giving it to her and she loves it. Blatantly in front of you while supposedly out celebrating.
If you actually stiffened up your spine, it would help to pull your head out of your ass.
Dump her. Guaranteed she’ll be banging gym boy by the weekend. Cause she has already put in place all the foundations for it to happen.
She know that You are not fine with the texting , she does it anyway. No girlfriend material here.
What is the point of confronting her? This is not a court of law, you don’t need to prove anything to her. She is clearly having an emotional affair with this guy, maybe more. She is just keeping you as a backup. You should not stay with anyone that keeps you around as a backup.
“Hey, I’m tired of you texting other men for validation and support, and I know that you are just going to lie about it. There is no trust here, you are clearly trying to make it work with other guys. I don’t even know why you keep me around. Good luck in life, this relationship isn’t working for me. Let’s break up.” And then block her everywhere.
Dump her. Even if she’s not sleeping with him she’s obviously having an emotional affair.