First I will give a bit of background as to how our relationship started. I met this girl, who I will call Elaine, IRL through a mutual friend. We quickly became close friends and we began seeing each other 1 on 1 outside of the friend group. It kind of felt that she liked me but I wasn’t sure, because she had an online boyfriend at the time. About 2 weeks ago, I confronted her, asking if she had feelings for me, and she admitted that she did, and that she was considering breaking up with her online boyfriend, who she had been dating for 3 months, to be with me instead. Elaine and I cuddled and hugged when we saw each other, so it felt like this would come to fruition. A week later (a week ago) Elaine broke up with her online boyfriend, and she and I began officially dating.
Elaine and I saw each other the day that we got together, and we kissed, which was her first kiss ever. Everything was perfect, until the next day. The next day, Elaine asked me if we had chemistry, and I said yes because we had gotten alone really well. However, she asked if we had “romantic chemistry” and she specified the butterfies in the stomach feeling that people get. I told her that I hadn’t felt butterflies but that I thought we had romantic chemistry. I asked her to elaborate and she told me that she loves me the amount that a girlfriend would but not the way that a girlfriend would. She said that laying in my arms felt like laying in the arms of a brother. I asked her if maybe she was just nervous and told her that her feelings may evolve over time, and that we should at least try to date each other.
Fast forward to now. She has been talking to me less, and is less flirty. She says I didn’t do anything wrong, but that she is unsure of her feelings still. I will also mention that she made all the first moves when it came to everything romantic we’ve done, so I haven’t “scared her off” or anything like that. She says I’ve acted fundamentally different since we have been “officially” dating, but I don’t see a major change. How can I fix this? Is there a way I can be more like a boyfriend than a brother? I am afraid that the already fragile feelings we have will die out.
TL;DR: A girl broke up with her online boyfriend to date me IRL, and after only a few days, she wants to break up despite us kissing and cuddling happily.
3 comments
Shes 14, shes young and still learning about life and feelings. let her flow with her feelings as she needs. she’s still finding herself.
thats why its often said its hard for things to work out when you date below your phase of life. below 16 and above 16 generally different. 16-18 and above 18 differs slightly less. and etc
what you learnt she hasnt yet
You can’t fix this. Respect her feelings. She’s barely a teenager and far from being an adult. The more you push, the less she’ll want to have anything to do with you.
Advice for the future: try not to get heavily emotional early in the dating process with someone. Most of the time relationships fizzle out early and it’s traumatic to keep getting your heart broken. Try to remain objective ad long as possible.
She tried you on and decided it was a poor fit. She still wants to be friends. It happens. Sorry bud – my only advice is make sure you aren’t a jerk about it, you’ll just regret it later. Accept her rejection with grace and move on.