i had terrible self-esteem and social skills, and didn’t try to make friends until recently. i used to be nervous to ask people for their social media/number or ask them to hang out because i was afraid to come off too strong. last year i made a good friend but i was so happy to make a friend that i became too clingy and scared her away. how do i draw the balance of becoming closer without coming off as too strong? i see people being close and calling each other even though they only known each other for a few weeks.
i’m in my final years of university, and i know making friends as a grown adult is difficult.
5 comments
Idk tbh bc same
Most people don’t have the same level of loneliness & social need that you do. The trick is to have a solid emotional outlet and a busy schedule, so that you’re not as able to spend as much time trying to talk to them. If you have great self control, it’s easier to shut that part of your brain off that craves reaching out to people & socializing.
A couple times, I’ve found that people I lost interest in will actually reach out to me a week later or something. So I’ve taken that to mean, if you’re generally still enthusiastic when talking to people, great– but space out the times you try to contact them. Give it a few days/weeks before asking them to hang out again, cut conversations off before they go way too long (ex more than an hour, especially if talking every day/every other day).
Usually doing activities that you all have in common is a great way to start a friendship. From there reciprocate the same energy they are giving to you ( if it takes them a few hours to reply don’t reply immediately). It is best to gauge their responses to see how they actually feel about you:
If they keep delaying or canceling plans for odd reasons, they probably don’t want to be friends (their loss I’m sure you’re an amazing person)
Most importantly is to not waste time trying to build relationships (romantic or non romantic) where your level of interest in not reciprocated.
Weed and alchol is the key to social life for shy people
I will say find a weed buddy
Find a common interest to bond over and maybe invite them to an event for, like hiking or car shows. Otherwise it might be better to offer your phone or social media and let them make the first move