not sure if this belongs here, just looking for some advice i guess.
i’ve always had body image issues despite being fairly good looking (i’ve only just recently acknowledged this). i know it is *especially* silly to have body image issues when you’re postpartum. i just brought life into this world; i know it’s normal to have stretch marks, a flabby tubby & a wider waist.
it wasn’t until i turned 23 til i was finally able to enjoy sex without constantly being concerned about my looks. ‘my tummy looks so gross like this’, ‘i have so many rolls when my legs are up’, ‘i probably have the nastiest double chin from this angle’ etc. my husband really really helped me get out of my head and enjoy sex and just be there with him.
still, eventho i know it’s totally normal to look the way i do right now (& hopefully temporary), i’m honestly a bit terrified to have sex. i’m not worried about the pain. i’m super eager to get into bed with my husband and be intimate. but i know we’re going to have to have the lights off, pitch black in the bedroom, and i’ll probably have to wear one of his oversized shirts to cover *everything*.
now i’m terrified that i won’t be able to enjoy sex again or get out of my head, actually i’m like positive that’s going to happen. i don’t want to tell him because if i do, he will start complimenting me a lot & be extra sweet in bed, and i won’t think it’s genuine.
i guess i would just love to hear reassuring things from women who have dealt with this. or even men with their wives.
i also read a scary reddit post one time, OP was a husband and he was writing about how unattractive his wife’s body was after having a baby eventho she had lost all of the baby weight he didn’t want to have sex with her anymore… i’m just scared.
TLDR; scared to have sex postpartum because i used to have awful self esteem issues and now they are resurfacing, not sure what to do?
5 comments
First up, your husband loves you and knows that you just gave birth- he isn’t expecting you to look exactly the same, and he’s not going to suddenly not find you attractive because you have some stretch marks or extra weight. Most men in the world truly do not care about the things we women care about- I’ve always been self conscious of my stomach, but found that 90% of guys I hooked up with literally didn’t notice or care that I have a bigger tummy because they were looking… other places, if you catch my drift. They are just simply not thinking about these things and if they see them, they don’t care. I would suggest therapy to help with your self esteem issues. Imagine how free you’ll feel when you no longer worry about this stuff.
I haven’t had any children of my own but I am a woman, for what it’s worth. You say you just brought life into this world, but you skip right over all of the incredible beauty that’s in that fact. You just brought _life_ into this world, _you_! The changes your body have gone through and are still dealing with are more than just natural, they’re overwhelmingly beautiful. Just about every woman I’ve ever known to have gotten pregnant has been self conscious of her looks either during and/or after pregnancy, but there is no more beautiful form of the human body than that. Think about any other pregnant woman or new mother you’ve ever seen in your life: radiant, gorgeous, transcendent beauty. You’re always beautiful, but motherhood is a special, rare kind of beauty that always blesses the women who have contributed to that miracle. Studies have even been done on it, pregnant women and new mothers make people’s brains go totally head over heels, some kind of hormonal release. I can’t imagine the experience from the perspective of the mother, but as someone who has always seen it from the other side, I can guarantee that your husband will be overcome with your raw beauty, no lights off or oversized tshirt.
Congratulations by the way!
I had 3 kids in 3 years. My body looks like a hot mess. My husband has never said anything but kind things.
Unless your husband is an ass ( like the guy who said he didnt find his wife attractive) jump in and embrace what your body has gone through. Having a baby really shows you what your body can do.
Your beautiful body has just done something amazing. It will add a new deeper layer of meaning to your lovemaking. To add to the gift, for some reason orgasms are incredibly intense and like a whole body experience while you’re post partum, so don’t delay, go ahead and enjoy them!
First off: congratulations on the new arrival! So exciting! I hope you’re healing and baby is doing well, too.
Second, it’s not silly to feel insecure from time to time and your hormones are still a little rough. So please take it easy on yourself! You’ve done a lot of work to get to a more secure place and deserve to feel proud of your body that literally grew another life.
Third, I think a really frank talk with your husband about how you’re eager to be intimate and have been physically cleared (you have been, right?) but you’re still adjusting to your changing body and may need to ease into this. If you want the lights out, you want the lights out and you don’t need him to reassure you to get them back on. If you want to wear a shirt or tank top at first he needs to let you and give you the space to get comfortable with your pre-baby confidence. You may even need to ease back into P in V the first time; asking to pump the brakes and cuddle or give each other massages or whatever else might be night 1. Night 2 might get a little further. Marathon not a sprint, etc.
It took 40 weeks to grow the baby and it stands to reason it’ll take more than 6 weeks to get back fully into your normal groove. You’re going to be ok!