19F
I was abused for quite a few years. I thought I was asexual. The thought of even having sex made me sick.

I met my boyfriend, and we took it agonizingly slowly. We had lots of talks about positions I would be happy with, and things in the bedroom. We started having sex and it felt amazing. Love having my nipples played with, my pum fingered. (I like calling it a pum, it’s safe- sounds funny and not a term used to make me uncomfortable.)

However, I couldn’t seem to cum. I found myself getting distressed about it. I was enjoying him entering me, it was safe enough that we could talk about it. We discussed the fact that I really liked the feeling, I would get super wet and I would enjoy the moment but couldn’t seem to orgasm. He suggested a vibrator. We tried a bullet, but that did nothing. We then tried a rabbit, but that did nothing. We then tried a wand and my goodness.

The other day, I orgasmed for the first time ever. I was practically screaming, (a huge difference to the bad things. I had to keep quiet then.) It was quite involuntary. I didn’t expect it. He just held me lovingly through it and it felt like we were closer than ever. I felt so incredible, that the bad things hadn’t broken me. That, I’m not completely incapable of having fulfilling sex. I find it sexy watching him cum, and when I came down from that insane high, he was looking at me like I was a pearl he’d dived for years to find. He told me I looked like an “Amazonian goddess” when I came. He was so hard, and we had incredible sex then with the wand😜. I didn’t come again right then, but did later. It was okay though, I knew I could. That sex seemed to be the best ever.

So yes, I survived something bad, five years later I had my first orgasm and I think I entered space, my body floated away from me. My boyfriend was there with me for it, and sex seems to be more incredible with him than ever. The wand isn’t far away either. 👀

25 comments

  4. Tbh, you’re already ahead of a lot of women. It’s depressingly common for women to go a long time without knowing how to get themselves off.

  6. Congratulations, this shows how far your healing has reach and how secure and loved your bf makes you feel. I am very happy for you.

  9. Congratulations. Women (and men) like you amaze me! I’ve had close calls but I’ve been really lucky. But I have friends and family who weren’t lucky. You truly are the embodiment of the “the spirit endures!”

  12. You would be surprised about how much of a woman’s orgasm is mental and can be blocked by swirling thoughts shame shyness and being self-conscious. And I’m so glad that you have somebody as a partner that obviously has you and your satisfaction as a priority. And once you realize that you did nothing wrong and did nothing to bring your abuse upon yourself you can start to dismantle some of the damage. As a fellow Survivor I’m not going to tell you to get over it and put it behind you because that’s impossible.. and you probably noticed that you felt amazing after that orgasm and that’s because the endorphin rush is like a force feeding of the full spectrum of every good brain chemical that will neutralize all the stress hormones which cause anxiety depression and that feeling of Doom and loathing. The body is designed to regulate itself like that and you can use those orgasms to self-medicate and that usually comes along with being hypersexual and don’t blame or shame yourself for that fact because it’s a survival Instinct. As long as you have good intentions and you’re not using sex as a weapon just follow a protocol of.. it’s something feels good and nobody gets hurt then it’s ALL good

  15. Huge congrats! And thank you for sharing. It reminded me of a woman I slept with who had never had an orgasm with another person – not because of a SA history, but more because of religious trauma. I can vividly remember the first night she came with me – it surprised both of us – how amazed and honoured I felt that she felt safe with me – how stunning she was above me. Amazonian goddess is honestly spot on. That connection and sharing that experience with her was such a gift – I’ll never forget it. Hope you go on to have many more orgasms!

  18. I want to cry for you, congratulations❤️ you deserve all the joy and great feelings that sex brings and please keep going forward!

  21. I’m happy, you made it and found pleasure again with your boyfriend, it’s shows you’re trusting him and feel save. All the best from my side to both of you:) keep exploring and having fun!

  22. Well done, I can’t begin to imagine what you went through. Hopefully you know or are beginning to learn sex is a should be loving and fun.

  23. This is an absolute wonderful story. I’m glad you reclaimed your sexuality and found someone so caring and loving!

  25. As a SA survivor myself, I’m so happy about this! Even though we don’t know each other, I’m virtually hugging you rn! Enjoy your sex life from now on, it’s gonna be wonderful!!!

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like