Seeing people having fun with friends or in a relationship makes me feel hopeless, sad, bitter, and angry. I can’t watch or look at anything with or about relationships without feeling enraged. I don’t want to feel this way. It makes me want to punch them. It makes me jealous and furious. I know they’re doing nothing wrong and I should be happy for them. But no matter how much I reason with myself I still feel a deep rage. Like I want to be violent. I would never hurt anyone, but I can’t help picturing getting “revenge.” It hurts feeling this lonely and seeing people without social anxiety or all my other diagnoses succeed socially feels unfair. I know it’s stupid to think. I know life is unfair and they could’ve had their fair share of troubles too. Seeing how easily some people make friends, or how little anxiety they feel makes me seethe. I just want to feel happy for them but I don’t. How do I stop feeling this way?
7 comments
If you stopped hating
And started appreciating
Then maybe you could begin participating
Are you living life right now? What do you want out this life, what do you want to be remembered for. I sure as hell know you don’t want to remembered for being miserable. Every little thought and action you take will depict your character, your worth and ultimately what people will remember you for. Its the little things that matter the most for in the end people will only remember you for you what you did and how you made them feel.
You want to stop feeling this way, stop thinking this way. Changing the way you think doesn’t come fast. its a long and hard road but if you really want that change you will persevere no matter what. Life is a constant lesson and you never stop learning.
How do you feel for people that find it hard?
I feel for you. I don’t get furious, but it does make me depressed. & despite what some of these posts are saying, yes, I do have plenty of interests & hobbies I enjoy & I’m largely positive in my life.
However, seeing all kinds of people in relationships, especially dishonest, mean, negative, and selfish people, while I only get rejected and treated cruelly makes me feel like I’m not worth love or affection. It’s extremely depressing & makes me wonder why I even try.
I would recommend getting quite seriously and deeply into mindfulness practice.
And then, when you are ready, join a meditation community of some kind.
You absolutely need to change your brain. It is normal that being isolated causes the brain to change in negative ways that make it harder to get out of isolation, but I believe you have a more severe case of this. You need to be very proactive about making these changes.
I also recommend, less strongly, broad self-help reading. Usually best done through a library, and you just buy your absolute favorites.
Finally, go read “Ask and It Is Given” by Abraham Hicks. Pay particular attention to the emotional guidance scale, pivoting, and the focus wheel. These are exercises, they’re in the back of the book. Any time they write/talk about the GPS and vaccilating between Phoenix and Yuma, read about that. They may overall be new agey, but since managing our emotions is important regardless of whether it leads to manifestations, the new aginess doesn’t matter.
Once you’re solidly doing better, I tell everyone to join interest-based communities–you can find lots of that in my old comments, sometimes with more details.
I was *totally* in your shoes at one point.
When I was in school, *nobody* wanted to be friends with me. I felt like I wasn’t good enough to be with anyone, and it got me into a depressive state, which resulted into anger. I blamed myself for not making any friends, and it was killing me inside. Then, I met people a few years later, and I’m still friends with them to this day. I felt like a new person.
The greatest advice I could give to you is to talk to someone about it. If you are *that* angry, it is certainly not healthy to compare your life to someone else’s; and if you are *that* angry about not having friends—make some! Find a group of people who enjoy the same hobbies as you, and be the first person to start conversation. Be the bigger person, and do not let that toxicity win you over. There *will* be a person in your life that will make *you* feel like a new person as well.
Stay safe out there.
You want to feel deeply connected to others. You want a rich and meaningful social life. And surprise surprise…everybody wants this to some degree or another. That is how we humans have evolved.
So the question is, why do you feel angry? What is the source of this anger? Are you angry at the other person? Or the other person is a trigger, and you are angry at yourself for not having that? Answer this HONESTLY for yourself. No matter how hard this is.
Once you figure that out, ask what your anger is trying to tell you to focus on. Powerful feelings like anger are great clues to discover your unmet desires. Do you want a romantic partner? Then put yourself out there for that. Do you want to expand your social circle? Likewise, plan to spend your time/ energy there.
Just reminding yourself that you are taking ACTION towards fulfilling your desires will help ground you, and hopefully be emotionally releasing for you.
Good luck out there!