Today is my boyfriends birthday. His parents are disabled. His dad physically and his mom mentally (Schizotypal and bipolar disorder). My boyfriends brother (who we believe is Autistic) lives with them. Today, on his BIRTHDAY, his father called him cursing him out for not installing the ramp they ordered for them yet and didn’t wish him a Happy Birthday. One, they live 20 minutes away and my boyfriend works 40-50 hours a week. Two, he built a ramp on his own for them two weeks ago because the one they ordered wasn’t in yet. So they want him to take the one he built down, and put the new one up.
Not to mention, his parents have abused him emotionally and verbally his entire life. His dad was an alcoholic and was a mean drunk and never once told him he loved him. His mom was just a bully and so mean. She still is. They don’t appreciate anything he does for them.
I have done so much to make this a great birthday for him. This weekend I took him out for a steak dinner. I got him an Apple Watch! And tonight we ordered sushi and I bought an ice cream cake. And of course, an ENDLESS amount of love. I tried to be positive and happy all night, but all he’s been doing is pouting and working. He has barely said three words to me. At least if feels that way.
I am trying so hard to be supportive, but no one ruined his birthday except for him. He let his parents get to him, understandably. But he shouldn’t have let his demanding boss get to his head. We were sitting on the couch and he was searching something for work. I asked what he was doing because this was like at 8pm and he was like, “Searching something for work. Is that okay with you?” Sarcastically and kind of rudely.
Something like this happens every week with his parents and it’s the same thing from him, “I hate my life” and “I’m so stressed.” His feelings are valid and I try to help him but he doesn’t listen to me. And if I’m being honest, it’s making me question our relationship. I have been so supportive this whole time and I love him so much. I wish he would take my advice and cut toxic family. I have a narcissistic mom and a dad who abandoned me, I cut them out. Everyone is different I know, but I don’t want this to be an ongoing thing our whole relationship. And even though I’ve been supportive this whole time, I do not feel like I can support him continuing going to his parents meeting all of their demands after what his dad did to him on his birthday.
2 comments
Sounds like you are putting too much on yourself to make up for his parents.
It seems, just from the context of this post, that you are doing this out of kindness and understanding because of how your parents were.
You may need to take a small step back from the situation (i.e: not try to make up for their shortcomings).
Also sit him down and discuss what’s going on. Explain the things you are feeling and why.
If you are given the “well I didn’t ask you to” line. Respond with “no you didn’t, I did it because I love you and wanted you to have a great birthday” or something more personalized.
I’m not sure if you said how long you have been dating but I’m gonna guess this isn’t the first birthday you have shared of his.
Discuss the issues and then if you still feel the way that you are, or if nothing has really been changed/compromised, take a larger step back and take a break/break up.
It’s an abusive relationship. He’s not doing it because it’s a conscious decision, it’s conditioning.