Hi so I got out of my first ever long term relationship a while ago and have decided I want to try a hookup with a semi friend who I’\[ve hung out with before. However, with my ex we never used condoms as I have an IUD and we were each others first only partners and so now I know using condoms with hookups though is needed as casual sex people are sleeping with whoever etc and I do not want to risk catching any STDS. I have planned for this guy to come over to my uni accom later and obviously we have been flirting but I am unsure how to explain beforehand that a condom is needed? It seems I am hearing about SO MANY people NOT using condoms from my peers at uni but then also I know multiple people who have had gonnoreha and chalymedia because of that. I do not want this guy to be one of the dickheads who try to persuade me out of using one though so do you think it’s acceptbable for me to send a messasge saying like ‘also i don’t have any condoms so if we’re planning on hooking up later could you bring please?’ Because I don’t have any condoms because 1) I haven’t needed them for so long and 2) I’ts the guys choice on which ones he likes and me being autistic god knows what they want man or even how big they are so surely I don’t need to be expected to have one tonight? I’ll probably order a box from amazon in future but just for tonight as I didn’t really think about it and I have really bad social anxiety in shops. I don’t want him to just come over and we get to messing about and then suddenly he doesn’t have a condom so might try the old persuasion on why not to use one…I feel like I also shouldnt tell boys I have an IUD as then they can assume no condom is needed because theyre so ignorant about STDS?
Anyway just wanted to check the etiquette as this will be my first ever time sleeping with someone aside from my ex and I’m really nervous..Also do guys in hookups normally try to get the girl to finish? I just don’t know how easy it will be for me too as it’s my first ever one so I’m pretty anxious )): I’m actually really scared omg but I miss sex so muchhhh and I wanan get over my negative thoughts on how ‘girls with a body count above 1 don’t deserve to be married etc’ thinking that i got from my religious mother. Any comments would make me feel much better thank you.
3 comments
Make sure they are clean and if so enjoy. Bareback sex is so much better
The etiquette should be pretty simple – everyone should bring/supply condoms… if you both decide not to use them then that’s up to you, but it’s better to have them than not. It shouldn’t be an issue any more than taking your bank card if you’re going to the shops. Honestly if you popped to the pharmacy they wouldn’t even care what you’re buying.
Ultimately you’re planning on doing an adult thing with adult consequences so it should be absolutely fine to have an adult conversation about your sexual health – so a quick message to remind him to bring condoms as you don’t have any should not be any kind of problem.
As you’re in uni, you can usually get condoms for free. The University of Sheffield for example has free vending machines where you can literally just get some without speaking to anyone. In many areas you can also get them (for free) delivered by post from your local NHS trust. Your uni or students union will definitely have a web page on it.
If you bring condoms, you take responsibility for your own safety. Generally speaking, that is a pretty good idea since a pregnancy is a lot more inconvenient for you than it is for him.
If he feels that it’s super important to wear an extra large type of condom, task him with bringing those.
In most cases, the generic sizes will work splendid. And you should have them. Two or three or so, at least. Buy a pack while you are at it.
It’s your body and your rules that go; tell him that he has to stay out without a condom, no exceptions. Don’t negotiate any gray area terms on this rule. You don’t want a pregnancy (or any of the other stuff you just mentioned) so you expect him to rubber up before he goes in. Don’t complicate this further.
I think your new partners desire to get you off depends on HIM more than anything. Personally, I wouldn’t dream of “leaving work unfinished” but I’m sure that other guys exist who think differently.