Some background will probably help everyone appreciate where I’m coming from: I’m (20M) a uni student whose main avoidance behaviour is avoiding conversations, and, well… you can’t form any relationships without talking to people. So I spend most of my days mute.
Anyway, I’ve tried to expose myself to the situations that I’ve been avoiding, so I’ve had an unusually large number of social interactions this year (still minuscule in comparison to the normal person). And I’ve noticed that i feel absolutely incredible after a positive social interaction, which for me is basically any conversation that goes well. After it’s over, I temporarily feel elated, energised, normal and more like myself. It’s like the thing that’s been masking my personality has been temporarily removed. It’s honestly like a drug. The only problem is that it disappears fairly quickly. 🙁
I suppose this is why exposure therapy is regarded as the gold standard – it really does teach the emotional part of your brain that your thoughts are utterly insane.
I don’t know if this is how normal people feel all the time, or whether my “normal” situation is so miserable that true normality is blissful in comparison, but I want more of it
2 comments
It kind of is like a drug because your mood can instantly shift. For example let’s say you are at a party and you just get there and you feel nervous, you aren’t having fun and are thinking of just leaving. But then when you have your first conversation your mood changes, you start to loosen up and it builds your confidence. And then there’s a concept called social momentum where after your first conversation you are feeling good and then it’s a lot easier to get into a different interaction. At some point you enter a “flow state” where socializing feels effortless and you have so much confidence.
With practice you can be in a flow state all the time instead of having to ramp up to it
Interaction with other people can be exciting, since we’re social creatures hard wired to understand social hierarchy. If an interesting person is focusing on you, it’s normal that you’re going to feel.. excitement! Everybody knows how ‘likes & follows’ feel; it’s the same thing.
I think the most telling is that you feel “normal and more like [your]self”, and that your typical situation doesn’t contain much interaction (and I’m guessing, not many deep, stable relationships, or a sense of belonging and acceptance). Humans are at their happiest and healthiest when they have their social needs met, just like their needs for food, shelter, and sleep.
The elated part probably is because of that contrast. It should eventually decrease, if you form relationships with people that last, that you can count on to be there and not leave.