Paranoid about cheating need a neutral viewpoint

27 comments

1. Yikes. Juicy, but yikes.

2. dont sleep with coworkers

3. When I wasn’t strong enough in myself I’d focus on another lives. Now I care more about my peace of mind, my career and boundaries in relationships rather than to have my head twisted. Not worth my peace of mind, throw it back in the water & focus on yourself.

4. Trust your gut

5. It’s hard to say if anything is going on. How long has this following each other to the break room/bathroom been going on? Is it like two instances total in the past two months? It could be a coincidence. Are they looking flushed or disheveled when they come back? Probably not, you’re likely overthinking this. If it’s a highly professional environment, I doubt they are cheating in the copy room.

   I usually used to run into the same people in the break room because we have similar schedules for coming into the office getting coffee and lunch breaks. It didn’t mean anything was going on. They could also plan on meeting, you did say they were close, does that mean it’s guaranteed cheating? No.

6. Is he really dumb enough to be dating two women from the same office?

7. probably not cheating, just drugs or something

8. HR Manager here.

   Does your work place have a workplace relationship/fraternization policy? You need to be sure what that says. Many require disclosure to HR. Failure to report could lead to termination, so ask yourself really hard if it’s worth it.
   Because of a third party possibly being involved too… it’s an even stickier situation.

9. Do you trust him or not?

10. Are they in the same meetings? Could be that they simply just have the same opportunities to go to the break room/washroom on the same schedule because they’re both in between meetings.

    Have you ever had random quickies with him in the office? If not, it’s probably not his style.

11. So if relationships are allowed in your workplace and there’s no reason to keep hiding it I’d ask him to make it public. You can see his reaction and gauge from there too if you think there’s something fishy.

12. This is why you don’t date co-workers.

13. Maybe don’t make a thing where there isn’t one. Have something alittle more concrete before you take it there.

    There are some people who have never and would never cheat. I don’t know this person, but they do exist.

14. > It’s confirmed as a bf/gf relationship with no tolerance for cheating.

    Wait do we need to say this..? What relationships are okay with just …cheating?

    This is one if those things where if you feel the need to say it out loud there is either trust issues or loads of insecurity.

15. You can hire a PI?…
    or ask him about said woman, set a boundary (we are exclusive or we are not a thing) and if he accepts any unfounded preoccupation is on you.

    But maybe break it off even if he isn’t cheating because this is already too toxic a situation for your place of work, as in it is affecting your productivity. You need to be more secure with yourself especially for a workplace romance or it’s gonna leak into all areas of your life! Usually we try to save the low productivity at work for the break-up/end of the relationship.

16. Ask to be official so you can save yourself some heartache. However, know that you can not stop someone from cheating. You just have to trust yourself to make the right choice and deal with anything that comes.

17. You do what everyone does in this situation. You snoop on their phone when you get a chance. Terrible, but seems to be the norm and definitely the most common way cheaters get caught.

18. I worked with a gf. There were other women in the workspace that would flirt with me, but there was one in particular I’d probably have dated if we were single. But it manifested as paying more attention to her and we’d take smoke breaks at similar times subconsciously and it looked to my then gf that something was going on. She told me how it looked to her and I admitted to myself that I was probably investing more attention than I should and made the conscious effort to stop.

    If she’d strictly been a friend, I’d have been annoyed, but I realized I liked the attention from her and that it was inappropriate. So I guess I’d tell him why it bothers you and leave it up to him to defend himself or process whether he’s playing at something flirtatious.

    Edit: I’ll add that other people thought something was going on. There wasn’t, but I could tell she was into me.

19. I would assume this is just his work wife and they get along well . Sharing an office with someone can create a close friendship. Would you be worried about this exact behavior with a male colleague? If not, then I would try to relax and not allow your past issues with cheating get in the way. Are you two going to tell your workplace that you are dating? Perhaps making it official with HR may put your mind at ease. I imagine that it’s tough to be leading a secret romance at work. You may feel better being more open with your relationship so that it’s clear with others.

20. My rule is if I am doubting then something is brewing, investigating or making excuses is not worth my mental peace. In every healthy relationship I had the other person organically made me feel assured and secured. I would rather leave with my head held high here than to come off as an insecured person. No one is worth chasing- the beginning of mind game is the end of relationships.

21. Okay, this isn’t going to last. You might as well just end it now. You aren’t in a place for dating if you’re watching your boyfriend while he’s working. COME ON NOW.

22. He’s keeping you a secret for a reason.

23. The crime is being in a break room together??

    Yeah mate this is your mind and past traumas playing tricks on you.

    I would suggest having an open convo with your bf about it – not because he needs to justify or prove himself (he doesn’t), but because he should have the opportunity to offer you some reassurance. I DON’T think he should have to avoid talking to his colleague or being in a break room with her, but some words of comfort might help with the spiral, as well maybe talking it out with some close friends. Going public in your workplace is a good idea, but these feelings are likely to surface in other situations he’s in, like other female friends, talking with a barista at the coffee shop, girl at gym etc.

24. What other explanations for the behavior that you’ve seen have you come up with?

    I’ll start you off with one.

    She goes to the bathroom and since they share an office he’s, of course, aware. “Oh, she’s going to the bathroom,” he thinks. Suddenly his own bladder responds. “Sounds like a good idea, mate! What do we need to do to get you to notice that we’re full down here and need an emptying too?!!”

25. This, by the way, is why I would avoid any relationship I need to keep secret. Goes for lovers, goes for friends.

    Sounds like you need peace of mind. Since this guy likely won’t be straight with you, the best way to get that is to let him go.

26. Short answer.
    If you cannot trust him then there is no relationship. But it is ok to protect yourself from being hurt should your gut feeling is correct. Take it slowly. Don’t be surprised if you are correct.

    Long answer.
    It is not completely out of the question that he is good friends with her. They spends quite a bit of time together everyday. Chances he has spend more time with her than you by this time.

    It is to be expected that over time they talk about things. That he may ask her for her opinion on certain topics such as dating. But if keeps your relationship secret she might believe he is available.

    If that is the case, she might turn the conversation to herself and her situation. This maybe an invitation to him to ask her to lunch as friends. That might develop to a dating situation outside of work.

    As far as having a physical relationship at work. While it is possible, that would be risky for both of them, should they be caught they could be terminated. That would not look good on a resume or for a referral in the future.

    If you were a close friend I would advise you to tell him to tell her about your relationship. And for him to tell her to keep it a secret.

    If she does not keep it a secret then that would destroy any trust he has in her. If she has her sights on him that knowledge will set her back.

    Best of luck to you.

27. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about whether you’re being paranoid, because ultimately you are never going to feel ok about this unless and until your relationship is public. And maybe not even then, but you need to not be in a secret relationship anymore.