Having been in and out of many clubs (sports, arts, etc), I have come to a realisation that I can come across as cold and unfriendly to others.
My motivation for joining these clubs have been “trying to improve myself on certain aspects” (like for example, running clubs, triathlon clubs etc etc). With that mindset, I found myself being lost from the fun where other members seem to enjoy.
Any advice so that I don’t come across as ‘try-hard arseholes’?
10 comments
I find being polite, cheerful, and smiling, goes a long way.
Do all the acting nice, although that might not be you. So maybe be quiet and courteous. But you’ll probably get further being nice, talking, smiling etc.
Clubs are meant for fun and companionship. You enter a club and Not talk to someone or at least introduce yourself and get to know each other, there’s your problem.
My advice, when you join a club, introduce yourself to the club leader and/or ask to be introduced to the members.Breaking the ice is ALOT easier when you get to know people or at least know their names.
Second, ask around. Ask a few things, ask how they tie their shoes or maybe ask why they dance or move like that when doing the activity. Open ended questions leave more room to find more subjects to bridge off and talk about.
The more talkative and open you are in the club, the more willing people will be to approach you
Ask questions.
People in these clubs clearly care about what they’re doing and most people like to share what they care about, so, especially if it’s a creative club “what are you working on?” Is a big one.
I’d approach like a new job. Typically in new jobs you have to put on a friendly face, introduce yourself, listen, ask questions, and be earnest. As you integrate, you can show more of your personality and be yourself.
Smiling is big one. I think just giving off easygoing vibes without coming accross as a pushover.
When you first join a club you really need to be a strictly positive energy/vibe kind of person. You haven’t built up the social capital to contribute anything negative, even if it’s warranted.
Contribute. Add value to the group.
Be polite and generous. Don’t try to show off, speak to much or be overwhelming in any way. Remember, the group is already formed, and you are the newcomer. You can’t join in on inside jokes or act like you’ve known them your whole life just as soon as you’ve become part of it.
I do my best not to blend in, makes things less stressful.
Ask them questions about the hobby. Or how they got into it.