I met this guy online and we got along really well. We talked for weeks. While still in touch with him, I updated my profile with some details about me and added few more pictures so he could see me from different angles (previously, I only had one pic).
The next few days, he wasn’t as responsive.
Then he reached out yesterday and just talked about his day. He also told me how he’s met another woman, they’ve been on couple of dates and have decided to continue seeing each other. He said he didn’t tell me before because he wasn’t sure if the other woman would ghost him after the second date. At first, I was upset because I didn’t even know he was going out with anyone, but then I was polite about it and wished him well. He then said that he liked talking to me and would like to continue doing so, but I just don’t feel I should be communicating with someone who’s headed into a relationship!
My question is: Do guys reject women so that women don’t reject them? At first I was confused as to why the sudden change in his behavior, but then I thought maybe he’s thinking that I am out there matching with other people since I updated my profile and now he feels he may get replaced if I match with someone else?
26 comments
A couple of dates with another woman doesn’t mean he’s headed into a relationship with her. They’re still getting to know each other, like you two were. He’s just being upfront with you about dating more than one person at a time.
I’d say you’re overthinking it. He just flaked out and is working options.
Red flag that he was upfront about the other girl but still thought of putting you in the pocket. Just incase. Sounds like a stand up fella.
Yeah, I do this all the time in the past. It’s a work in progress to fix things, but it’s definitely a thing.
Yes we do.
Yes. 100%. I have .
I was rejected by so many women that the thought of one more doing it felt like it would kill me so the next time a girl showed any interest I told her we should just be friends and I’ve regretted it every single day since.
It’s self preservation 🤷♂️ always having to be the one making the moves is hard af on your self esteem when they don’t reciprocate your feelings
Ask him
He’s on a dating app and you didn’t know he was going on dates?
Yeah, immature guys do. Next!
I’ve never rejected a woman I actually wanted to date.
It’s counter intuitive.
Don’t overthink it. Men, especially 7-10s, reject women coz they have options, period, not all, but most. They’ll hang on to women, who wants to be lead on and that is showing interests in them. Not all will reject, especially if it’s offered. It is nature, again, not all.
It’s all I do. I’ve usually rejected the idea of romance with a woman long before she’d ever consider it.
It’s just self preservation, if I already know the result (her not being interested, then I can decide that early and not get my hopes up).
What the actual….
You do realize he didn’t reject you? He’s showing that he’s a not a douchebag. He’s telling you he has plans that might including being exclusive with someone else and doesn’t want to hurt you.
I guarantee he didn’t fabricate this story just because you made a better profile.
Yes, sometimes. Dostoyevsky even wrote about it in 1864 so it’s been around for a while.
Yup I’ve done it, it helps to protect your ego as a dude because if you’re the one getting rejected every-time it really takes a toll on you mentally, so you flip the script to feel better about yourself
100% if we feel that it’s not going to work and to make ourselves feel better.
Oh yeah absolutely. I pre reject people who I feel I don’t have a chance with.
If you notice it doesn’t work, you can just say that. I don’t think it’s a game of being fastest. Not a lot too gain from being first if you already know it’s not working out .
Since I haven’t seen this mentioned yet. I’ll say it.
You were talking, things were going well. *Until* you updated your profile. He saw the update and probably assumed you weren’t interested in him anymore. That’s the same reaction I would have.
Not normal men.
But that isn’t what happened in this case. What happened was that he was being scummy and was dating multiple women at once and chose the one he liked best. He’s not a total douche though because he didn’t ghost you and was honest with you so there’s that.
I wouldn’t continue being friends with him, just take the L and move on.
The question is why do you care. U r fine without him and obviously he’s a red flag.
You’re his second option. A backup.
Don’t allow that.
Oh yeah, 100%. Especially on dating apps. I mean I have limited swipes, might as well not waste them on someone who wouldn’t look twice at me.
While I do believe people do the pre-rejection rejection thing, I don’t think thats the case here. I think he was being honest with you. Most people chat with and casually datemultiple people at once and then see what shakes out, choosing the “best” option that is still interested
Do guys reject women so that women don’t reject them? Most don’t, those that do that are not worth worrying about.
The reasons guys reject women include
* Is not interested or attracted to you
* Found a better offer
* He found someone more compatible with him.
A guy may be interested but will bow out if he perceives:
* that you are not really interested
* that you are way out of his league, and you will find someone better.
I repeat again. to all those people who are dating online. no weeks of tedious conversation. a few days maximum and decide to go on a date or not. Do not put too many matches so as not to get confused and have time to process all applications for a date in an adequate time. One or two dates a week.
So he told you why he wanted to stop talking and then you’re thinking it’s another reason? Why?