So I did it! I just mustered up the courage to end my friends with benefits relationship and tell him how I really felt. I had real feelings and emotions for someone who was emotionally unavailable, his words. (Backstory, we started out dating exclusively, but he told me he wasn’t ready for that) I told him I don’t know if I’ll be reaching out to him again, that I need time to get over him, and that I’m not happy, I’m not a fwb kinda girl, and that I wanted real intimacy with him. Its been very hard to see our sex as just sex, and it was starting to feel a bit more than casual. I told him that I was so out of my comfort zone within this situation. I only agreed to this to be closer to him, because it’s what he wanted, and I figured it was the only way I could have him in a sense. He was actually hurt by this himself, he told me he was caught off guard, and felt used, and hope he didn’t lead me on. I did ask him if he had any feelings or cared about me whatsoever. He said caring and feelings is two different things, and that he definitely felt the latter. That was yesterday, I’ve been crying and in bed since. I hope things get better. I know it was the right thing for myself, we didn’t want the same things. I hope one day we can be real friends, I just don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. I feel a way about him, I’ve never felt for anyone I’ve ever met. The thought of not ever seeing or speaking again leaves me weak. I hope I find peace of mind.
If anyone has been in this situation, could definitely use words of encouragement and advice, greatly appreciated
11 comments
I’m so glad you’ve done the right thing, and you have. You’ll grow all the stronger for it.
He is a manipulative, selfish jerk and you’re way better off now.
What’s emotionally unavailable? Do you mean he just wasn’t interested?
Been on both sides of the coin. It can be hard to not catch feelings during casual but just know youve done the right thing. As for being friends in the future, i wouldnt bank on it. Its better to move on fully from these kinds of situations
Hey it’s so great that you ended it first 👏🏻👏🏻, I’ve been in the same situation but unfortunately I chose to stay and break my heart over and over.. until one day he decided he was done with me and became distant claiming that he wants us to become just friends and “not text everyday” because he’s not ready for a relationship. It’s BS, I’m pretty sure he found someone and threw me away so easily cause he never had feelings in the first place.. it hurt like hell, and I wish I had ended it sooner… good job OP, I know it hurts brut it would’ve hurt more if he was the one to leave. We’ll find better partners that would never ever let go of us.
>I only agreed to this to be closer to him, because it’s what he wanted, and I figured it was the only way I could have him in a sense.
and I guarantee he was aware of this, and entered fwb fully knowing he will have to let you go when you reach your limit of hurting. he could’ve just say no and not using you for sex but sex was more important to him, not you as the person
Men will have sex with anything. Imagine a 21 year old vouge model wanting to be fwb with old fat bald men. The hard part is making the guy to commit.
My situationship started under false pretenses. He talked about making me his girlfriend but then walked that back after a month, but told me we were friends for life, he kept up that “friends” routine long enough to ensure that he’d have a place to stay for a few months (rent-free) in the city that we were both going to be living in, after living together- a disaster I’ll say (he stole a lot of my shit and ate my food constantly without pitching in for groceries like a 20 year old- but he’s in his 30s) he walked that whole friendship thing back too and then just told me he wanted sex. In all that time, the texting and conversations became less frequent, he would straight up ignore me for weeks/an entire month, and recently he only contacts me when he wants sex. I’ve been acting like I have 0 self worth by putting up with his breadcrumbs and being available when he wants me for sex. All because I’m lonely. I’m done. It was so obvious that he used me for my apartment, used me to feed him, used me for my possessions, used me for sex. There’s no respect or gratitude for me as a person. For him, it’s only about how he can use people to get what he wants. But I acted like an oblivious idiot. Happiness is a choice and I’ve been so lonely in this new city with absolutely no one to talk to about anything. I’m reminding myself how much happier I am alone though than being clearly used and criticized. Dude started criticizing me for everything after a couple months and I always felt like I annoyed him. Conversation never flowed like it did with my ex fiancé. That’s not a good time for anyone. I’m free now and working on changing my perspective on things, and I hope I never tolerate this behavior from any man again. I have so much that I’m doing right. I am not a bully and I don’t use people. I actually am naive but that comes from very innocent motives. I deserve better and even if another person never appreciates me for my personality again, I’ll have self worth.
Well done, it’s brave to toe that line between enjoying the sex but also sticking to the initial agreement. It’ll hurt initially but it’ll get better. You did the right thing.
Don’t think about the future for now – focus on you and the here and now, self-care
First cut is the deepest, it will get better
>I only agreed to this to be closer to him, because it’s what he wanted, and I figured it was the only way I could have him in a sense.
Can we get an automod to respond with this line for all the “Should I do a FWB” posts from now on? Holy shit this is exactly the **worst** reason to ever go into a FWB situationship.
I’m sorry you’re hurting like this, but ngl you set yourself up for failure coming in with that intention.
You found your self respect!!! Yes, it’s gonna sting for a minute and it will seem soooo tragic. I promise you that at a future time, this is going to be a “comma” in the story of your life. You have given yourself the opportunity to get some distance, nurse your wounds, and clear the path for the next one.