I F(18) Have been told I am a narcissist. I “turn the conversation around to me.” and I “always talk about myself.” I never noticed I did this, and usually have pretty bad self esteem overall. Yet, I do get those moments where I feel superior towards someone intelligently, I am an over analyst, so when I figure someone out I get very confident and bolder with how I speak to them. Whether it is flirting, or opening up. My ex told me he can’t handle my narcissism anymore, but I never even knew I was doing it. He has a tendency to not really accept feelings other than his own, acting and speaking to me like the way I act is incorrect, or I should be doing this better because he says he knows more. I feel like I am being talked down to in a way. It could also just be an inferiority complex, but I can’t tell. I asked my friends and they said he’s right but it’s not to a bad degree, “I just like to talk.” even my other friends I’ve known for 5 years told me, “You’re just awkward with socializing, and the way you relate to people and connect with them is by telling them a similar experience you’ve had.” Which I agree with, but I don’t want to be seen as narcissistic. How can I tell when I am doing it? How do I stop it?
Edit: I already have a therapist for other mental things, by figure out, I mean understanding someone and what type of person they are. He doesn’t accept my emotions by telling me I should react differently to situations because that is how he’d react. I am not rude to people or anything, he just says I talk about myself a lot and bring the conversation back to me.
4 comments
Please check therapy. This sub cannot help you with a professional advice about your mental health.
Wdym by “figure someone out”.
And give an example of “not accept feelings other than his own” and “way i act is incorrect”
I’ve dealt with narcs that are just rude and offensive and pass things as a “joke”. And when they were told off, they thought i was trying to one up them and trying to be “superior”. When the issue was them being an asshole. Not sure if that’s the case with you.
But if you have similar feedback from everyone, get therapy
i honestly have had a friend like u, and while at first i was annoyed with them i slowly started to notice they couldn’t tell, like u. i would say if u know ur wrong accept it and don’t try to argue ur way through something cuz that can lead someone to believe ur even more of a narc, and even if it’s to a bad degree if u don’t change it can get bad and ur friends rn may not accept u in the future or get tired of ur narc behavior, also before u say anything think before u speak because that’s a tendency in narcs, they don’t speak. put urself in someone else’s shoes and think about how u would feel if someone said that to u. i personally hate people who try to out themselves over others, especially those who they care for, so yeah just think abt it
Are you really a narcissist if you’re aware of your shortcomings and listen to others for feedback with a willingness to change? Most people talk about themselves because it’s comfortable. We know ourselves best so it’s an easy subject to default on. I don’t think this makes you a narcissist
You’re not a narcissist :). In the late teens through early adulthood, we are go through an intense self-conscious and self-absorbed phase. It’s totally normal.
Also, the research shows how easy it is to develop a habit of talking about yourself and your interests: https://ideas.ted.com/how-a-great-conversation-is-like-a-game-of-catch/
This is just a habit you weren’t aware of and now you are, so you’ll be able to change it now.
And to be better at validating without turning it into a monologue about yourself, this channel should help: https://youtu.be/l2JNTkVR668
When I was your age, someone gave me similar feedback because I didn’t ask questions and I talked a lot about my boyfriend who was far away and who I really missed. After that I went to the opposite extreme and didn’t talk about myself at all. So I recommend finding a balance.
Hope that these resources will help!