Friday – quick advice

11 comments

1. Circumstances in my life seem to be pointing towards a promotion and moving half-way across the world in the next 3 months or so… yet most of the people in my age range on the apps are only looking for serious relationships.

   Any ideas how I should re-word my profile(s) so as to continue being honest about my circumstances and still actually get matches and hopefully go on dates?

   Was thinking something like this…

   > It looks like I’m only going to be in $city for another few months, due to an exciting promotion that is coming with a relocation to another country for at least 2 years. Hoping to find someone who is looking for a short term relationship until I leave, helping each other heal from our past traumas, and parting as friends with only great memories when I go.

2. Guy I was seeing is completely incapable of humaning. Have literally never had a more uncomfortable, awkward, and useless breakup in my life.

3. I started dating a friend I knew for two years. We’ve been together long-distance for a month and a half. He’s (29M) and has never dated anyone before me. He’s also never had sex but is adamant that he’s straight. One day, he was a bit overwhelmed and told me that he needed some time to think. He said that he’s never spoken so often to one person aside from his parents and his brother who is 1 year older than him. He likes to have time alone and is very reserved and gets anxious. He felt that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I asked him if his feelings for me has changed, as he was the one to approach me first and was very interested, sweet and romantic toward me, but not overly so (no love bombing or anything like that). He said he needed to sort his thoughts out. One of his other issues is that he doesn’t have a lot of self-confidence and feels he needs direction in life. He said his parents were subtly pressuring him to get a different job, even though he’s a great saver, has his own home, never in debt, etc. he’s handsome too, and to me he’s such a catch. But he’s scared.

   He told me all this exactly one week ago, and we had a brief interaction online in a forum with other mutual friends of ours four days ago.

   How much more time should I give him before reaching out? I’ve made an effort to go out and try and enjoy myself in the meantime. Part of what we had been planning was for him to come and visit me next year. I live in a “vacation” spot and he seemed like he was looking forward to visiting me. So I posted videos featuring the natural beauty of this area hoping he’d see them eventually. He said he’d contact me at some point.

   Should I just keep waiting for him to get back to me or is there a time in which I should message him and do a temperature check so to speak?

   Update: I checked in with him. His ailing grandmother passed away today. He said he’d let me know when he’d be ready to talk. There were other things worrying him, but this was a big one on the list. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m sort of glad that I know what’s going on at the moment. Granted things can change at the drop of a dime, but still.

4. Things I’m trying to unlearn or stop doing

   * Frame everything in terms of flags
   * Keeping first dates short/to coffee
   * Multidating, and “picking” out of the pool
   * Expect the other person to be 100% into me
   * Forcing myself to “decide” on the other person, or date, and being judgmental in general
   * Frame everything in terms of attachment styles

5. Have been seeing someone for about a month. From the beginning he told me he was recently out of a relationship and was enjoying dating
   people but would be open to slowly developing more with the right person. I’ve met some of his friends and colleagues, and he’s been consistent in both actions and words. Without my prompting, he told me yesterday that he really likes how things are developing with me but he’s not ready to delete the apps quite yet and is still open to dates with others. When things first started I planned to give it a couple months before broaching exclusivity or moving on since I have to vet him too, but I’m starting to catch feelings and am not sure what to do. He was the last person I agreed to go out with before deleting the apps for a break, and I’m not in the mood to go back or multi-date regardless of his choices.

6. Have a fifth date and we are both taking it slow. Have talked about sex as very much on the table for the next date (no pun intended). But now I feel like I still have questions about him. I don’t want to back away from something I really want… sex with him, but I also do not know about our compatibility and I do not want to hurt him if I decide within a month that he’s not quite what I’m looking for. We already established looking forward to sex, so… not sure if I need to overthink this? Or just go for it and it’s okay to be unsure about compatibility?

7. Matched with a guy around a week ago and we have been messaging a bit. Good convo. Also somewhat unclear on how to read him.

   In one convo he said something I vibed with as it is something I agree with as well: meeting up with folks and having no expectations beyond pleasant convo. That was 👏🏾 for me.

   Anyway we talked a few more days and he wants to meet up. And meet up where he lives*. I usually try to meet in the middle or near my place. But I have not checked out the nightlife where he lives and recently chatted with a friend about checking it out. So I decided to break the rule. It’ll be a new experience all around. And I have an errand I can do over there anyway.

   He wants to checkout some live music and go to a tiki bar.

   *he lives 10 miles away / 15 min drive / 20 min train ride. The halfway point doesn’t really have any fun stuff. Not worth stopping for entertainment.

8. My friend told I have too high standards and it’s really got to me for some reason.

   Went on a date with a guy he was really into it, he never organised a second date, we both mentioned going on a second date, I specifically said about the second date, he avoided the chat, he text me every day for two weeks after the 1st date and is now away for work for two weeks.

   I said if he wanted to he would of made time for a second date, my friend told me it’s good I have standards but I need to give him a chance…

   Surely this isn’t a high standard, it’s knowing your worth?

9. Just had a 3rd date/meeting with a guy – we were talking about beards and I said I don’t like them because they’re not comfortable to sit on..he laughed but.. was that bad?

   I’m dominant and I know it. But I don’t want to scare off guys too early.

10. I’m so so so so sick. Again. And I was meant to meet someone this week. Still fighting to get rid of someone else out of my head that didn’t work out due to distance but I am still keen to meet this one when I eventually can. How do I stop comparing everyone to the one that didn’t work?

11. The guy i have been talking to online yesterday started asking for a picture of me where he gets to see my curves lol. Nothing sexual just a pic showing my curves according to him.
    I was annoyed by that and replied that he was not qualified for that yet to which he replied cool.
    Dunno if i should continue talking to him. Hes clearly more interested in my looks