My (23 M) boyfriend (23M) and I have been together for almost four years. We dated throughout college and moved in together August of 2021 so 8 months in our new place.
My parents adore my boyfriend, and his family feels similarly about me. I have gone on trips/vacations with them and am included in all sorts of family functions and am very close with his extended family. My boyfriend also is also very close to my younger sister and gets along with my parents and is invited to things (we don’t talk to any of my extended family so not as many functions for him to attend or people for him to meet).
Today my parents had a little early Easter dinner and invited my sisters new boyfriend and his parents. They are both seniors in high school and have been together a month. When cleaning up after dinner with my mom, I mentioned how I was surprised how close they have gotten to my sisters boyfriends parents in such a short time especially how they’re so young and may break up when they go to college. After saying that, my mom says, “I think it’s weirder how we haven’t met someone else’s parents after 4 years”, obviously hinting at my boyfriend.
She has mentioned this once before to me months ago, and I brushed it off. I told her the truth in that we haven’t introduced the families yet because I (and my boyfriend) are anxious about how my mom will behave. She is a very judgmental and “traditional” person and is the type of person who complains if she isn’t served or offered a piece of cake or coffee. My boyfriends parents (who are of a different race and culture than myself) do not have any of the expectations my mom has of people. They are also very introverted, and I know if they’re quiet my mom will think that’s rude.
When I told her all this, she brushed it off and said she isn’t that type of person, meanwhile I told my dad about the argument and he agreed with me about how my mom can be. My partner and I just don’t want or need that added stress, but I know they need to meet eventually.
Are we wrong for putting off this meeting so long? Is my mother justified in feeling upset I’m not meeting the parents of my partner after 4 years? Any advice on how to make this meeting happen? Thanks!
3 comments
Its perfectly okay for your mom to feel upset or any other feeling. That doesn’t give her any “right” to meet your partner’s parents. It sounds like what you’re doing is working for you!
No, it isn’t a requirement.
If you plan to eventually get married might as well make it happen. Get it over with and you might be surprised it might not be as bad as you think it could end up.