First of all, I’m not even sure if this is the right subreddit to ask this so if it isn’t please lmk.
This text might be a lil long but I went into detail and if you could read all of it and give me some feedback I’d appreciate it a lot.
So this will a lil bit complicated cause I just throw my thoughts in, not planning how I should write it. Im 21. I’m currently seeing a girl and last night we came over to my house and ‘tried’ (lol) to get down. I have never had sex in my life. I had 2 girlfriends and when the thing came down to having sex, they said they were not ready and we didn’t have sex. It was always oral sex with them and I haven’t experienced erectyle disfunction. But last night started all cool, we made out a lot, I touched her she touched me but when I put the condom on and tried to go in her. I couldn’t. We tried a lot. Well, I went in her and went back and forth but after like 20 seconds my penis kept slipping out. By the way I didn’t feel ready to have sex. While we were out she asked me if I have condoms I said no and I bought some. When I realized she’s down to have sex, I should be excited and all but I thought “Maybe we shouldn’t.” Tbh I felt it was kinda easy and she’s not that special person I wanted to have my first sex experience to be with. But when we made out and shit I wanted to do it. Anyways, after some failed attempts of me trying to put it in, she asked “This isn’t our first time, right?” I lied and said “No” and kept on trying. I thought it was the arch, of her body and/or mine. This kept going on and I went soft after and we just stopped. Both laughing and shit. I’m a confident guy and I didn’t really care. Made some jokes about it at the time. By the way I couldn’t find her clitoris at times and I thought I shouldn’t have problems with it because I don’t think I failed to find it in my relationships prior. Idk maybe I’m not used to her body type. She said that she couldn’t get wet enough so that might be the issue. Then first, I blamed the songs I was playing in a joking manner. I was loudly playing the songs that I love (I always have the urge to sing along those songs in my daily life) Then I blamed the condom and said it is too thick for me to feel her to get hard. I thought to myself “Maybe im too small for this.” but im not that small I know that like my penis is 4 and a half inches. Is it so small so that it’s normal that it keeps coming out? She said maybe I got anxious. Asked me when was the last time I had sex, again, I lied and said it was 6 months ago. It was when my ex and I were together. Like I mentioned we only had oral sex. Then we just stopped and laid down cuddling and stuff. When we started making out again I went hard again and put on another condom. (I’m not even sure I should’ve done this cuz I spent like 4 condoms trying to put my penis in her and in none of em I came, still I throw em away). It went on and on and on. 4 attempts failed and we just resorted back on oral sex. It always takes too much time for me to cum during oral sex and i think it’s me not enjoy it enough to cum. I enjoy it but not so much that I think should have. It happened when I went in her too I didn’t feel extra good. So I just started masturbating after the oral sex lmao. That way I came finally. Before tho, imagine the 69 position, woman’s tongue touching the tip of the penis I told her to get in that kinda position except her genital is not on my face. Weird way to describe I guess, excuse me. Like for guys, when you rotate your hand so the palm touches the tip of the penis, that feels the same way like too good to keep going, you know. So when these things happen I feel soooo fucking ticklish(?) So good that I can’t let her keep going cause it kinda hurts. I can’t take it. Anyways I came masturbating and touching her. Here I have to mention one thing. I maybe focusing too much on my partner’s pleasure. Seeing that she’s enjoying it arouses me a lot. The idea that I’m making her or some girl enjoy sex a lot, arouses me. I haven’t had sex in my life before and I always looked up ways to make women enjoy so being 21 years old and inexperienced wouldn’t be too weird, you know. I wanted my sex partners to feel “Wow he’s so fucking good.” Probably an insecurity caused by 21 years of virginity lol. Then I thought to myself that this obsession(?) is why i can’t focus on my pleasure so I just couldn’t get hard. Im kinda happy that this weird experience was experienced with her cause I feel like this isn’t a deal breaker for her cause after we’re done I feel like she still liked me a lot. If it were to happen with a different girl I think it would be different like I’d feel devastated cuz they wouldn’t act the way she did after the experience. After the sex and masturbation i felt like It might be good for me to go to therapy because I don’t want this to affect my future relationships. Because I heard first sex experience affects a person mentally big time. Now today, the day after the first sex experience night, I feel bad. Like I failed. My confidence is damaged. Like what if this happens every time? What if I can’t ever enjoy sex? Am I not enough, like size-wise and experience-wise? Additionally after watching too much porn i started experiencing erectyle dysfunction watching porn and I thought I got too used to porn and accepted it and stopped watching porn. 2 weeks or something later I stumbled upon porn and got really hard. Then I couldn’t resist and masturbated. This was like 4 days ago, and last night I tried having sex. Idk maybe it might’ve effected it? And while with porn I experienced erectyle dysfunction, I never had problems when I was kissing a girl, making out or even touching a girl who we both were sexually interested in each other. So I was not insecure about it I was like “Yea I might have erectyle dysfunction with porn but with girls I don’t so it’s all cool.” I’m so confused. I just wanted to hear some opinions and feedbacks, thank you for reading this long ass text.
1 comment
Damn, are you writing a book?