So me and my girlfriend has had a long distance relationship for about 10 months now and everything has been going pretty good. Although the road to the actual relation ship was kinda rough. She approached me during the summer of 2021 and then dumped me right as she was moving away and then tried to get together again in january since she’d missed me. I was almost ready to now
We’ve had some problems during these 10 months, as all relationships it has it’s ups and downs, but during this last month things have been very hard I’d say, For one I’m very active in my student union and that always takes up a bunch of my free time. In the beginning I was definietly more willing to accomodate more of that free time to our relationship. But as the year has went along I’ve found it harder and harder to commit fully to our relationship since I’ve just taken on more and more responsibility in the organization.
Then I met this other girl through the student union. At first we seemed like just friends but then she occupied more of my thinking time. And while I don’t think I would neccesarily have shot at getting together with this other girl (she’s much older than me and treats me more like a little brother) I can’t deny that I think I’ve started to develop some kind of feelings for her, whether that be platonic or not. This felt like more of a sign that things weren’t going that well for our relationship and for about a week now I’ve felt like I should just end it.
Then I googled a bunch about all my feelings and found out about ’emotional cheating’ and now I’m questioning everything about this ordeal. Maybe I’ve just been a bad boyfriend that has had problems commiting to the relationship and now I’m just looking for excuses to break up? But right now I feel like I can’t put in the time energy that is requiered for this long distance realtionship. My commitment to the student union is where I get most of my enjoyment these days and I don’t see that commitment slowing down any time soon. So maybe I should just move on from the relationship anyway?
I could list of a bunch of other things I’ve reflected on during this time. Like I’ve sometimes treated her as a therapist that takes care of my emotions and more of a source for affirmation rather than a source for actual love. Like how this is my first real relationship after trying many times before and maybe I just jumped at the oppurtunity of getting into a relationship that I now realize I actually don’t really need one and I’m just staying in it to get more affirmation? These are things I’ve noticed lately and I’ve realized a bunch more negative stuff about the relationship. But then again maybe I’m just an asshole boyfriend who’s trying to get out the easy way by justifying a break up right as I’ve maybe started to develop feelings for someone else? At the same time maybe it’s just another sign that the relationship is going badly when similar feelings could arise somewhere else?
**TL;DR I’ve noticed a lot of problems in trying to commit to my long-distance relationship lately since I’ve become very active in my student union. I’ve felt it harder and harder to prioritize the realtionship and it’s already been grounds for conflict. At the same time I’ve recently met a girl through the student union that I’ve become very close to in a short amount of time and now I’m worried that I have engaged in emotional cheating, which in turn has made me more emotionally distant to my partner and made me look for problems in the relationship. At the same time maybe it’s just another sign that the relationship is going badly when those feelings could arise somewhere else?**
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What did your girlfriend say when you told her about all of this?