I (30’s) have mentioned to my parents (70’s) that I have a dead bedroom. My dad gave solid advice. He suggested that I look inward to make sure I was doing my part as a wife. He also praised me on my efforts to improve my appearance and get out of “ mom mode”. He was very encouraging. My mom flat out said you’re to young and cute, get you some D and be discreet. I told her I can’t cheat. The guilt would kill me. She kept saying it. She suggested it so much that my dad had to yell. Damnit honey that is not the kinda daughter we raised. She also admitted that in 50 years of marriage she had never once denied my dad so my husband should just sex me up. I told her that was awful and she should never had sex if she didn’t want to. She replied with a big smile. “well, I always liked your dad, I still do. Ugh.
I’m going to accept my situation. No more asking my husband for sex or taken care of it myself. It is what it is at this point.
19 comments
That’s sick
Maybe your husband is having an affair
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Jesus. Both your parents sound kinda fucked hun. Dont listen to either of them and go to therapy? Find out what YOU want and what is best for you, is all i can suggest.
I’m with Dad.
My wife and I have had a great experience with a couple of licensed sex therapists. They also happened to be two of the best couples therapists we ever saw.
I’m not talking like anything crazy, just talk therapy with some added focus on addressing your sex life.
Could be hormonal. I had a blood test and found out my Testosterone was low. Really explained a lot. I feel much better now and much more interested in sex.
My wife said that during the year I was low-T she felt so unattractive.
Maybe there’s something medically going on, I’d get it checked out could be something small 👍🏻 your needs are important too!
I’m sorry, I feel your pain. It’s taken almost 10 years, but my husband and I are finally tackling our dead bedroom. I hope that you and yours reach that point as well. It’s a sad and lonely place to be.
Your dad is more on point than Mum sorry. But honestly confront him and get to the bottom of the dead bedroom issue. Then work on fixing that issue. If he’s truly wanting to repair it he will.
Mom knows best
Escalate this issue with your husband. What changes (exactly) does he need to want a normal active sex life with you? If he is uninterested then inform him you are opening the marriage. Then you are free to go meet your normal healthy needs elsewhere.
Why would you talk about this with your parents? I’d be furious if my husband discussed our sex life with his parents. Totally inappropriate.
Get your husband to a doctor, go see a therapist, vent online. But leave parents out of it.
I would stop discussing this with my parents- or at least my mom- if this was the advice I was receiving. She gave you her advice- her advice (and attitude) sucks and you can choose not to discuss this with her in the future.
TBH This is already a topic where I would want to be really picky on who I tell. A general rule of thumb is not to involve family in marital troubles unless there is a safety concern. Otherwise it can invite unwanted opinions with lasting effects. Also, if I ever found out my husband was telling his mom about our sex life, it would probably ruin it more and stall the recovery.
>I’m going to accept my situation. No more asking my husband for sex or taken care of it myself. It is what it is at this point.
Sounds like you are afraid to actually to give an ultimatum and find out the truth about your husband and marriage.
I wouldn’t discuss my sex life or marital problams with my parents but maybe that’s just my family. Also I wonder if it planted a seed of doubt in dad
Are you nursing? Are the kids sleep trained? Both of these things being behind me were vital for me. Also, do you exercise? Do you pamper yourself? If you never shower, never feel good about yourself, you won’t want to do it.
Yikes… feel bad for your dad. Why would you even suggest doing that? That’s horrible advice that will just damage everything and probably lead to divorce.
Wow y’all have a very open relationship, perhaps too open for me. I don’t think cheating is a good idea. It’s either work to solve a problem or get a divorce but cheating is never a good look. On the other hand perhaps y’all could decide to open the marriage that way you could be open with having your needs met.
Terrible advice coming from mom. She is almost probing you with her example of how your dad always wanted her. I suggest a divorce, honestly. Cheating is a recipe for disaster and could have life-threatening consequences.