I’ve been with my girlfriend for just under a year now, unfortunately long distance for some of it. We met and got together soon after she had ended things with a previous guy (who she’d had known for no more than 3 weeks btw), I knew and still do know him. The situation ended up being a lot more than I expected as he was very resentful, and would often pull me aside at parties and sometimes work, he’d tell me how much I ruined his life by “taking her off him”, being British I never reacted to him and was stupidly a lot calmer than I should’ve been sometimes even apologising to him (one of my biggest regrets). Once he saw he could get away with this that’s all he’d talk about, my gf has always felt bad that she made him feel so apparently awful, and insisted, and still insists, that she appreciates his friendship. I’m more than fine with her being friends with ex’s as I’ve met some of them and get along well with them. The issue with this one is a 3 parter:
1. After their three week “relationship” he told me he still loves her
2. She had previously said to me that the only time they hooked up she had told him she didn’t want to but he had persuaded her anyway
3. They live much closer to each other than I do and as a result spend a lot of the week together.
I really don’t want to be the controlling bf and so I haven’t really said anything. What worries me is that he was able to convince her before, so it’s not that I don’t trust her it’s that I don’t trust him around her. Idk if I should tell her it makes me uncomfortable them spending so much time together or if I should trust her to do right by me? Cheers Reddit
TL;DR
Gf spends a lot of time with ex while I’m long distance, should I say I’m uncomfortable or just not worry?
7 comments
Not controlling at all and there is nothing wrong with boundaries. She is obviously crossing one if you are uncomfortable with the situation. LDR is a negative factor as this bum is closer. Tbh this relationship not worth work. To me there are too many cons. But it’s your life I’m just telling you what I see. Take care
Life’s too short to deal with that. I’d drop both of them, let him have her.
Are you sure he’s her ex?
For some reason I don’t have the feeling that she’s cheating on you but more that she enjoys the attention of stringing him along and having her ego flattered since you’re so far away.
Obviously this is not okay but you definitely need to have that talk and let her know how you feel. If that’s really all it is then she should be more than happy to give this losers “friendship” the kick.
Tell her you’re uncomfortable. You should communicate this to your partner. If she becomes defensive about keeping their relationship, there’s def something up..
I just read the title and didn’t bother reading the rest because I don’t understand how someone can be so calm in this situation and question it. I would be out the door by then.
So why do you put up with her seeing him at all , the guy openly wants her and she is seeing him often , nah that’s not the way my boy
If she wants to play silly bullshit games and openly disrespect you then flick her , she is not the catch you thought she might be.