So me (20F) and my SO (24M) have been dating for about 3 month. We were talking to each other for a few months before hand, meeting on tinder. Everything has been smooth sailing bar one or two issues, mainly being we were both quite badly abused in previous relationships. I was cheated on and hit, and he was manipulated and whenever his ex won an argument, she used to have sex with him as a one up. She also ended up cheating on him.
Due to this, a lot of our conflict is caused by emotional issues/trauma from past experiences. I flinch every time he moves too suddenly, and I know I can be quite insecure in the relationship. It doesn’t mean that I want the relationship to end, but sometimes I think he is better off without me. I can also be ‘doom and gloom’ in the sense of I always expect the worst.
Communication is another issue that I have found difficulty with. My defence mechanism is to shut down if I think an action/stress will cause conflict. I know I need to work on this and I have recently started therapy along with antidepressants. He is also in therapy, and has been for about a year since an attempted suicide.
The issue is, I don’t want my SO mental health worsening due to our shared issues in and around relationships. This has recently caused a lot of conflict with us both, with my SO saying he would leave if it got too bad. I don’t want it to get there, hence the therapy.
I think I moved on too soon after my abusive relationship. I only really had tinder to pass the time after some friends suggested I get out there more/see what else is out there. Had a few convos with guys that didn’t really lead anywhere. Then I met SO. I didn’t mean for it to turn into a relationship so quickly but we just really clicked. This is the first person I have ever dated that I honestly feel like this could be it. This could be the person I want to spend my life with. I’ve not shared this with my SO as I don’t want to ‘love bomb’ them and I want the relationship between us to develop organically.
So my question to all of you is, is this worth trying? Or will our previous issues/experiences cause this to fail. Im happy to do an update with any questions that may be asked.