Caught feelings for my partnered platonic friend. What to do ?

Hello,

I (29M) made a new gay friend (30M) this summer, who we’ll call A. He’s adorable, so kind that my heart melts, and so touching as he sometimes makes me think of myself and my own vulnerabilities. He has many qualities, and his faults are (often) tolerable in my eyes. We are almost the same age, that of making bad choices. A has been in a relationship with E for almost two years. Their relationship seems quite complicated since A was diagnosed with cancer almost a year ago: short separation, reunion, departure of E for his country of origin on the other side of the world (which he had not visited since the beginning of the health crisis), recent doubt of A as to the return of E for a story of expired passports and re-employment here in France, older doubt of A as to the motive which had pushed E to resume the relationship (mere pity, guilt or genuine affection?)

But then, I fell in love with A. I think I’m really deeply in love with him. He seems to enjoy and solicit our encounters and (platonic) outings just as much as I do. We are officially friends. I make romantic relationships sacred, which is why I refrain from sharing the least of my feelings with him. To tell you the truth, I’m waiting to see the progress of their relationship, and I intend to take action if they ever end up breaking up, never before. I don’t know if A has any idea how much I love him.

Another juicy detail: A plans to meet former lover of his in order to meet her sexual needs, without telling his boyfriend. He also says he turns into a hedonist in pessimistic anticipation of a bad outcome to his cancer treatment. He thinks, moreover, that “no one would want to date a cancer patient like him”, which makes me very sorry for him. A believes that he made the mistake of not having discussed the possibility of the open relationship before E left. When he asked my opinion on the question of his future plan, I tried to dissuade him, for the love of the one he says he adores. And, at the same time, well it gave me a huge pinch in my heart to see him, certainly making him feel guilty, but quite very relaxed at the idea of ​​cheating on his boyfriend. I tell myself that if I had been in E’s place, he would have done exactly the same. Which makes me even more reluctant to confess my love for him one day.

TLDR : I have a huge crush on my partnered friend who’s in a chaotic relationship

So I ask you these questions:

Should I tell A I caught feelings for him, at the risk of losing his friendship ?

Is he testing me in some way, regarding this cheating plan he seems to have ?

Should I distance myself from him, until I no longer have butterflies in my stomach every time I think of him or the blues when I think of this situation?

Thanks !