Gen Z who hates Social Media needs advice on how to get back on it

I’ve been meaning to put this thought into words but I’ve only thought of it doing it now, so here it goes.

I (19M) am diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Though I am not sure which type yet because I haven’t had that conversation with my psychiatrist, I trust in their professional opinion. I took this diagnosis seriously because I have gotten a second opinion and I am also taking medication, and thanks to the science, the meds are working!

I have browsed the wiki of this sub and have found so many helpful resources, which the mods must have credit for! Thank you kind redditors for this blessing lol. But I found this (https://youtu.be/llOPqKD-s4w) the most helpful and I recommend reading this [survival guide/book](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/177686.The_Bipolar_Disorder_Survival_Guide?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=NjcScIsLt5&rank=1) to understand my condition better. But all this still really triggers me because I cannot cope with my impulsive decisions I made pre-diagnosis.

That’s been my top problem: how do I cope with the impulsive decisions I made while in a manic/depressive episode? I have this cycle/thought in my brain that makes me want to leave people behind when moving on to another chapter of my life. Here’s an actual example. When I graduated Senior High School (during the pandemic) I created a new Facebook account due to identity issues and wanting to filter people from my life. I did the same with my Instagram and basically every mainstream social media platform I had.

I did this because I was so embarrassed of my decisions in the past (i.e. DMing random people on the internet who I thought I found attractive, etc.) and to cover up all the stuff that made me who I am but also made me not fit into society. In my new Facebook account with only around a hundred fifty people listed as friends, **my depressed self removed some of them in my most-severe episode of the year**. **My Instagram following has decreased too because in my new Instagram I deleted some friends there, some in Junior and Senior High.** It’s a super toxic trait I have and even my siblings have noticed it. Like when I don’t need someone else in my life, I tend to remove them from my friends list/following – like burning a bridge lol.

Now I also can’t let go of that problem because I don’t have a solution. I didn’t go to college, I’m literally missing out, and I look like a loser because I haven’t gotten a job yet because I’m focusing on getting a grip on my disorder. I do not have any friends anymore because my intrusive thoughts won and thought it was a good idea to be an asshole to them. So life is basically meaningless because all I have is a dysfunctional family, dreams, some friends who have their own lives, and my problems.

I used to get certain high after achieving a number of likes when I was a teenager but for a short period of time in 11th grade, I thought I was so famous! Though I wasn’t really the attractive, popular, socially-inept student in high school I thought this was an opportunity to be one, yet I still sabotaged myself. But after this pandemic and just realizing that I am a private person and introvert kid who skipped college in need of a job, I decided to be practical and not even care for those posts anymore.

Has anyone else experienced anxiety from social media? Or like maybe have a similar problem because I sadly cannot undo my impulsiveness and be a hackerman or something to undo this regret. I haven’t opened up about this to anyone so I hope this resonates to people on this sub.

TL;DR: Gen-Z who impulsively removed friends from Social Media Platforms pre-diagnosis needs advice on how to get back into the world/the internet.