I recently witnessed a conversation between two acquaintances and, when one mentioned that their family was taking a trip, the other replied, “Oh, you must be doing well.”
It was kind of derisive and resentful, and I thought it was just a really shitty thing to say. I might be overthinking it, though.
EDIT: I’m not talking about in the workplace. I definitely think people should discuss and share salary and benefits information among coworkers. (I always put my info on Glassdoor.com.) This is more about social situations.
25 comments
yep I find it impolite to talk about income in social situations
Yeah, that sounds passive aggressive. That’s like saying must be nice. The thing to say would be that sounds like fun.
I don’t *think* it is, it is.
Whether it should or shouldn’t be is up for debate, but as it stands right now, yes it’s considered rude.
In your situation, it was probably more of a rip on a buddy than anything else. Like “hey get a load of Mr Money bags over here going on a trip!”
If you’re in such a bad financial situation that someone mentioning a family vacation genuinely makes you defensive, you need to get your shit together.
I don’t think it’s rude but that comment seemed rude. I wish more people were more open about it. But I also wish people were less jealous and insecure about people having more money.
Personally no but in general there is a cultural taboo against talking about that sort of thing and I certainly wouldn’t ask a stranger how much money they made lest they think I was being rude.
Generally speaking, yes. I try to be more open about it than most, especially with my kids, because financial literacy is something that is at best, poorly taught. If you are not familiar with something, how are you ever supposed to be good at it?
I think it’s rude to question someone’s financial decisions. In your example it doesn’t matter how well he’s doing financially, he decided the trip was worth whatever sacrifices it cost.
It shouldn’t be rude to just discuss numbers, though we should respect someone’s privacy if they don’t want to share.
It’s a touchy subject for many people. I’ll freely talk about mine, if asked. The rudeness of it is really dependent on how close people are and how comfortable they are with each other.
I have some friends where we frequently talk about home prices, rent/mortgage cost, savings and investments, and finances/budget.
I have other friends that get physically uncomfortable when personal finances are brought up.
In the OP scenario, it could be a sarcastic remark. Maybe the remarking person is a CPA and it’s the height of tax season? Or maybe their job doesn’t afford as many vacation days? Or maybe they just don’t plan things and haven’t take time off yet. Or use their vacation days in a different way (several extend weekends instead of week long trips, staycations, etc)
We don’t talk about it with our friends. If someone gets a big raise or promotion we’ll celebrate, but why would I care how much my friends make? Doesn’t matter to me how much they make, and it shouldn’t matter to them how much I make. Why talk about it?
No
That’s kind of rude.
Sounds like they might be a bit jealous. No knock against them because they might not be doing well and we have no idea what they are struggling with.
Generally you don’t ask about people’s finances unless they bring it up. You never want to make someone feel bad for where they are at financially.
Yes. Remarking on someone’s financial situation, or going into too much detail about your own, is something I find pretty distasteful both at work and in social situations.
Inherently, no. It depends on the context and tone. Like in your example, the “you must be doing well” could be rude if said with a passive aggressive tone. Or it could have been said with a “good for you” tone, which I wouldn’t find rude.
I won’t bring up how well off I am, particularly around people who I know are less well off, because I don’t want to make them feel bad about not being where I am. In some instances it feels like rubbing their faces in it. But I’m open to talking about it if someone brings it up.
There’s also a big difference between going around showing people the bonus you just got and mentioning that you’re going on a vacation.
It depends entirely on the context.
It’s definitely a dick move for a someone who knows someone else isn’t making much money to ridicule them for it.
I, on the other hand, work in an industry where every Monday a spreadsheet goes out letting everyone know what everyone else made that week. Literally this morning I sent an email to a co-worker asking if they need help. I didn’t phrase it “because you’d do better working part time in McDonalds” but anyone who sees the spreadsheet will know that’s effectively what I meant. It’s a sincere offer to help so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what I said.
You don’t really give us too many details in your scenario but I don’t see much wrong with it. If my cousin told me he was taking his family to Australia for a two week vacation then I might very well respond with something along the lines of “Wow! That must have been some quarterly bonus”. That’s not being insecure about it. It’s just an acknowledgement that it would be a very expensive vacation.
Not rude, but I think people find it awkward. I’ve also noticed people seem more comfortable discussing money issues vs having a good handle on money. Perhaps they feel they are bragging.
That being said, just commenting on the trip like that is jealousy. That’s person is just petty.
We don’t talk about Mon-NO NO NO NO
I think we need to destigmatize it in general, people aren’t going to be comfortable talking about it with coworkers if it’s taboo otherwise. Those mostly feel like a slightly more polished social context any time you’re off direct work anyway.
That said, the phrasing of that specific comment is weird and whatever I may wish to be the case most people will take social commentary on their finances as intrusive.
I think it’s rude to make comments about other people’s finances like the example that you mentioned, but when it comes up in discussion, I usually just disclose the same amount of info that the other person discusses. If they choose to tell me what they make, I have no problem mentioning my yearly salary. I don’t try to pry that sort of info out of people though because that is definitely rude
Yes, it is VERY ride to ask others what they make.
It can also be seen as rude to inquire about a financial situation of a friend or family member…unless you are directly involved in the situation. Example: a cousin owes you money that they borrowed in the past, etc.
Nah. I’m fine telling people how much I make and I’m interested how much my friends make. It helps when planning so I don’t ask my friend who makes $28k a year if she wants to go on a Hawaii vacation.. but also it’s just nice to know if I’m getting ripped off by my employer or if I coukd be doing better.
I don’t resent my friends for making more than I do .. but it does occasionally push me to work harder.
I think it depends. In the example you gave the person was assuming the financial status of the other, which could have been right or wrong. Maybe they saved up and pinched pennies forever, maybe they were doing well. There are times when I think it’s appropriate, but that wasn’t it.
Yes. Incredibly rude. With coworkers pay is never equal and it’s largely based off of perceived ability when hired. Negotiating ability and politics can also be a large factor.
With friends it’s just wrong. I grew up with all my friends. We have jobs in completely different industries. We aren’t friends because of our income.
What’s the end goal? To brag?
The reaction is rude, not the idea of discussing it.