I’ve been reading this sub for years and in recent months I noticed influx of users very out of touch
I get that women have more options and men are turned down many many times, but some users here are so out of touch with reality. Men will date just about any woman, men will fuck anything as long as it’s not Jabba or Shrek.
While I know plenty of average or above average girls who have ghosted or rejected by men. Me included. Nothing wrong with that, but some users here portray men as someone who has no standards. Would it be better to discouss and accept difficulties of dating for all genders and not deny that women have their problems in dating too?
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>Would it be better to discouss and accept difficulties of dating for all genders and not deny that women have their problems in dating too?
No, because no one cares about the dating difficulties of men.
It’s not that men have no standards, it’s that men are and have provably been shown to compromise and be reasonable in comparison to recent years.
Average men I’ve seen do not pretend or believe they are too good to be with average women.🤷🏾♂️
Because there’s two kinda generalized populations of men at this point. Men who understand social interaction and intimacy and can interact with women easily, and men who do not understand those things and struggle to interact with women at all.
The first population is often invisible. Men who can talk to women easily generally don’t struggle in dating, they’re not desperate, they have their own standards.
The second population is **loud.** They are desperate and thirsty. Among them are the men who spend tons of money on Onlyfans, who throw thousands of dollars at twitch streamers hoping for a crumb of attention, who send unsolicited dick pics because they’ve never had a conversation with a woman turn sexual and experienced a woman who’s decided she does want to fuck you ask to see what your dick looks like so she can visualize having sex with you.
There are a host of experiences with human sexuality that alot of men can’t get access to and are chasing, and those men often have zero standards, will jump at any shred of the experiences they covet they can get their hands on, men who would never ever turn down sex not because they’re that horny but because they’d never dream of passing up the internal validation of having “gotten laid” again.
The population of men who have not adapted to modern dating and social standards are angry, visible, resentful, sometimes even violent. So people tend to pay them alot of attention.
Who wouldn’t fuck Shrek?
the people who succeed in life don’t spend all day farting around on line.
Because happy, regular men aren’t on reddit. They have nice lives to live. Online communities attract a lesser crowd.
You’re not wrong, but note that the men that are rejecting you and your friends are probably not the same men that frequent this sub. Average men have a harder time dating than average women, and a big part of that is because many women have a skewed perspective of what constitutes an average man.
> Men will date just about any woman, men will fuck anything
LOL post the daily (every 6 hours now?) “do men like dating single moms” and check back.
Men will have sex even with Jabba. At the same time men will certainly not date everyone and will marry even less so.
Tinder had published data (that they deleted because worried it would cut into their profit) that 20% of men got 80% of the daily matches at any given time. This is kind of where the “alpha” phenomenon came about. But even bottom 80% of men still get matches.
What it really comes down to is the obesity epdemic. Only about 10% of unmarried women without kids are not overweight. And this is across all ages. Men, even overweight men, prefer nonobese women. So when they match with a fat chick they assume it may as well be no match. When they match with the 1/10 who isn’t fat and single mom, and they get ghosted or it just doesn’t go forward, then they get mad.
The reality is there really isn’t enough model worthy looking women to go around.
It is inherently difficult to express nuance in an online forum because nuance takes a lot of words, time, and a sort of credibility that we typically get from knowing a person or seeing their faces as they speak.
It is also difficult for humans to think and communicate ideas in terms of systems thinking (as in there is what individuals are doing, and then there are these different impacts from the impacts of the aggregate of what individuals are doing, and then there is the impact of people reacting to the aggregate of what individuals are doing etc… The best way I have to visualize it is different flows of water coming together.
My guess is a lot of people expressing their ideas have more nuance behind their thoughts that doesn’t translate onto the page and then some people really are that daft :).
because this is ask *MEN*, men speak about their experiences.
Monica: why is it ok for you to flirt but not me?
Chandler: because to you its just flirting but to a guys it’s “FINALLY someone who wants to sleep with me!”
M: Seriously?!
C: It’s true
M: That’s pathetic
C: Also true…
M: And ALL men act this way?
C: Only men who are awake, then WE go to sleep and all the men on the other side of the world wake up and behave the exact same way…
You’re conflating 2 different things: men will *fuck* anything not Jabba or Shrek, but will only date a girl they like and their standards are a good bit higher in that consideration.
And that’s not every man. Generally if a man thinks he can do better, he will. Yet there will always be a guy (plenty, actually) who just needs an ego bandaid and will genuinely fuck anyone. And thus every girl can easily get laid if she just aims low, since those guys are always gonna be there. It’s not like every guy has equally no standards. But if that’s what you’re looking for you can certainly find it.
Because it’s true. I know you as a woman would try your best to use Olympic level gymnastics to try and spin this as being not true as if you admit that it’s true it means you don’t really know if the men you sleep with you actually like you or if they are just taking whatever they can get.
Also the common sentiment is that women have it hard in life, and don’t like the fact that men have any problems. So their first instinct is to simply deny that men have problems at all. Then if they admit it they try to handwave it away or make it seem like not a big deal or just blame it on the patriarchy, and then the last step is to admit that they have problems but that women have the exact same problem.
Because deep down most men just want sex. How desperate they are or how low their standards are depends entirely one who else they’re currently fucking or how long it’s been since they got laid. Men do not correlate sex with love in the same way that women do. To (most of) us, sex is much more primal. Sex IS the goal, not the path TO the goal. If you’ve gotta lower your standards to get there, so be it. For most men, the reasons they might avoid a sub-standard sexual partner are things like embarrassment or potential follow-on issues with said partner. eg, your friends finding out you nailed that ugly chick with the crooked teeth, or maybe a super-hot girl who gets clingy and possessive, or is emotionally unstable and will introduce unwanted drama into your life. In a hypothetical scenario where two people could willingly have consensual sex with 100% guarantee of no one finding out, never seeing that person again, and no risk of disease, you would be surprised how broad of a range of women most men would say yes to. Are there exceptions? Sure. But MOST men are primarily motivated by sex.
>Would it be better to discouss and accept difficulties of dating for all genders and not deny that women have their problems in dating too?
In case you didn’t notice, there are a few reasons why this part of your post comes out very very bad.
1-this is askmen. We talk about our experiences and problems here. You’re like those people who, under a post about climate crisis, write “why don’t you talk about the horrors of Palestine!?”. Answer: because our focus in on a different theme
2-go on the tinder sub. Plenty of people, me included, regularly remind others that online dating is horrible for most people.
3-your question kinda denies men’s problems by turning them into “denial of women’s problems”
Also yes, some men on dating apps would accept anyone. Because they’ve been there for long. Source: I’m a young man, I’ve used tinder for 2 years, and my experience, the average man experience on dating app, was telling me that I have no vslue whatsoever, that I needed to earn attention and to entertain literally anyone, regardless of any factor you would use to distinguish X woman profile from Y woman profile. I stopped because I have a value and it’s much much higher than that, no matter what the 20yo college expact Michelle has to say after ignoring my bio about literature
I’m with you, maybe it’s b/c I’m older but I’d much rather be with someone I care about than get laid all the time. And it’s not b/c I can’t, I’m fairly certain I could if I wanted to, I just want to value the person I’m with.
Women also have their issues, sure. But this is askmen, so it’ll be guy-leaning thought and experiences.
I’m married 20 years to an awesome lady, I’m just out here to give advice where it may be helpful.
You do realize this sub is called ask men right? This isn’t ask Reddit or ask women this is ask men.
Could it be perhaps that they arent “portraying men” but simply giving their perspective based on their experiences?
We are on r/askmen aren’t we? Shouldn’t we give space for all men to give their perspective. So the real question is why are you singling out those men that have low self confidence or bad experiences with women?
Let them speak.
>Would it be better to discouss and accept difficulties of dating for all genders **and not deny that women have their problems in dating too?**
It’s r/askmen
Jeeze I wonder why we don’t focus more on women’s issues here eh?
Because you are online, theres an epidemic of young lonely desperate men and you are even more prone to encounter them online.
Homie everybody on here is full of shit. Everyone is successful, everyone has a monster cock, everyone makes 6 figures, everyone has fucked thousands of 10s and made every single one cum. Nah homie. Everybody on here is full of shit.
Since you asked, i believe speaking about men’s choices, as a man, on the internet, will almost always attract negative attention.
I believe its because the society we live in now is like walking on a minefield, for everyone. People get offended for people not liking them. Someone could say they prefer a certain partner with certain biological traits as their preference and they will be labelled “phobic” or anti to a movement, or they could say they are open to dating any person but they will be labelled “desperate”.
And for men who just want to live in peace, being labelled between “phobic/anti vs desperate”, the later is the least damaging choice.
Its a space for men. Its in the name. And as men, we get pretty much no empathy for our struggles with dating – if we’re struggling its “our fault” somehow, whereas if a woman is struggling, its all men’s fault. So this is our space to express that.