So as the title says, I was at the bar this past weekend for Halloween with a group of friends. And I know this may be obvious that it was a bar thing and it’s not serious but let me explain.
So we were at the bar and we were dancing on the dance floor and I was kind of standing in the back just kind of being there, and I get a tap on my shoulder and I thought it was someone trying to squeeze through so I looked back and this girl was standing there looking at me and she held up her drink to cheers with me and I did and then she started dancing with me and I obviously danced with her and after some time we stop and start talking just about whatever. So she then asks me, “can I give you my number” and I obviously say yes and give her my phone and she puts her name and number in and I text it immediately so she has my number. So we keep talking until the bar closes and we all leave. I get back to my apartment and she texts me and we start talking until she goes to sleep.
Next morning: I wake up and text her and she responds and we talk the whole day basically, but the weird thing was that she took like 20-30 minutes between each response which I didn’t really care about since she was responding. Now it’s Tuesday and she has not responded to my last text I sent her midday Monday.
So my question is, is this normal or should I be understanding what she is doing?
I guess I should say that I have never been in a relationship or had a girlfriend ever in my 22 years on earth, so I’m not well versed in the art of dating, so maybe I’m expecting too much or whatever but if anyone has advice or suggestions please let me know, it would be greatly appreciated.
Update: So I took all of your advice and she did end up texting back and I asked her if she wanted to meet somewhere for a drink. And she said yes! I’m meeting her tonight, I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who helped me out with this.
26 comments
I can tell you she may have been drinking. My abusive ex even told me she was tired getting random guys numbers and being like why am I texting them. She may have be interested in the moment then realized with a clear head she was not. Sorry.
On to the next one champ
If she were interested you wouldn’t be making this post.
It could be that she’s already in a relationship or just got into a relationship with someone else. It may very well have nothing to do with you. Don’t sweat it.
You should have set up a date quickly than too much texting.
I can be pretty terrible at texting with some people and it doesn’t indicate that I don’t want to talk to them. Texting can be draining to me sometimes to have to type everything out, it just doesn’t flow as easily as a face to face convo. I also have clients throughout the day and can only respond when I am not actively working with someone so sometimes I go 45 min to literally all day without contact depending on how back to back I am booked.
Give her time and feel it out. If she doesn’t respond in a few days, I would say it’s okay to text her again and say something like, I enjoyed meeting you and chatting. Was wondering if you’d like to meet up for coffee, something short, low key. If she doesn’t respond to that, move on.
I can relate. Went out and ended up dancing with a girl on Halloween for an hour or so. She was clearly drinking, but we had a good time and danced fast songs and some slow songs where she wanted me to spin her during fast songs and hold her close during the slow ones and then she said she needed a drink and walked off. Caught up with her having an argument with her boyfriend and I realized that I was just there to make him jealous or something. Some people just want to have a good time and they’re not really in it for you. At least I wasn’t attached to her or anything so they can go have their argument and leave me out of it, because if I had known, I wouldn’t have done that to a relationship, but bars and bad decisions go hand in hand my friend.
Typical.
Ask them out within 5 msgs, keep your texts short and never double text before getting a reply, a lot of times girls can’t make up their minds, especially on a night out, if they like you enough and you don’t care if they respond or not, she might come back, but don’t get your hopes up, hit the gym, onto the next one.
I get a lot of numbers every week and I can tell you 80-90% of them are useless, this is consistent for all my pimp friends, good looking dudes too. Don’t take it personally it’s just part of the game.
Its rare that you’d get a solid connection from meeting someone at the bar. That being said. I typically just close the deal. Have sex and be done with it if I met a girl at the bar. No strings attached kinda vibe.
And that might not be what you’re looking for exactly but that’s the given generally
On to the next one king
Not that this is the only explainable answer, but you should’ve not texted so much. If you’re too available it kills all the mystery and all curiosity she had for you.
Next time text her only to make plans for a date.
Go out and talk to other girls. Leave the ones that are not interested in you. Life shouldn’t be that hard
So you were talking for the whole day without asking her out? She got bored
She may just be busy or maybe the conversation felt like it was getting boring. Give her some space, follow up once in a day if she doesnt respond. After that, if no response just let it be what it was-a fun night at a bar with a stranger
Or she could be thinking, “why haven’t you ask me out yet?” If she responds again and you get a bit of momentum going then ask her out to play darts at the bar or something. For me texting is a way of getting to know you a little bit then setup a date.
It happens. She’s probably not interested. I usually send two texts. If I don’t get a response after 2. I leave it alone. She can either respond or not. And if she doesn’t, oh well. On to the next one.
I would give her time. I take days to reply sometimes because I get so overwhelmed with work stuff 🙈 texting gives me anxiety.
That being said, if she doesn’t text back in a week or so she’s probably not that interested. Give it time 🙂
To be honest I would refrain from texting everyday. Even though us men want to we have to hold ourselves back. While texting I would initiate a hangout because, well we are adults and texting doesn’t cut it like texting back in highschool. As a final try I’d ask her if she would wanna hangout and text less, see more😉
Ask her out on a date with clear time and place and see if she responds.
you texted way too much from the get-go. only initial texts should be plans to meet up (and even then a phone call is better)
You were talking all day and didnt ask her on a date?
I too have interest for a while then they get bored and leave not to worry tho she just saved ur time cut your attention and onto the next. Keep your head up king 🤞🏿
Sorry to say but, I would drop her man. I’ve dealt with far too many chicks like this to know. If she doesn’t reply back or takes a long time to reply, let her go and move on. Some do it just for the attention seeking thrill. They get a power trip from ghosting guys they’re not into. The right girl will jump to her phone to text you if she’s really attracted.
Storytime: I once had a girl at my old job give me her number. This was one summer ago when the job was about to end for the season. So I thought cool, we can hang out after the job since we’re both quitting anyway. We had some good chats, she was touchy with me, flirty, etc. Showed me signs she was down to hangout further.
Next couple of days later, I ask to hangout, she begins giving me the runaround saying oh I can’t make it out, I got sick, I have to pick up my mom from the airport, all the excuse bs. So I was like you know what, fuck it. I’m not wasting time anymore. If she gives you lots of excuses, you have your answer. She just isn’t interested. Onto the next, so many girls out there than to dwell on just one
You may have texted too much too quickly, if you’re timing the time between her responses and think taking 20-30 minutes is “weird”. It could have just been a busy day for her. Or your personality wasn’t something she vibed with after talking to you more.
It could be quite a few things but like I’m a pretty terrible texter (even with people I do like) and am more responsive when I’m first getting to know someone. I would let them make the next initiative for talking. As a general dating rule though I always say someone saying maybe, being wishy washy or just generally unsure should be considered as not interested until communicated otherwise.
Just curious is taking a day to reply not normal? Sometimes I do this