I’ll try to make this as brief as possible but there is a lot that goes into this.
My ex bf (21) and I (20) broke up three months ago. When we were together, I was really close with his little brother (3, now 4?), who I’ll call Leon. I used to babysit Leon all the time and go visit him almost everyday after work. He was my little buddy.
Now, keep in mind I broke up with my ex bf because his mother (who he and Leon live with) told him to. She didn’t like my politics or life goals and said I’d be a bad wife so she told my ex to break up with me, and he did! And this woman never let me even say goodbye to Leon.
Missing little Leon honestly hurt worse than losing my bf.
Anyway, it’s been a few months and I saw that my ex’s mom enrolled Leon in our community swimming lesson, which I teach (small town). When I saw his name on the sign up sheet I texted my ex to ask what Leon knew about us breaking up so I didn’t confuse him or ruin a lie (simply for the poor kid’s mental wellness). And my ex told me they never told him anything. He said Leon still asks to see me and they just tell him they don’t know what happened to me! My ex even told me “my mom says don’t tell him the truth or she will kill you.”
Great.
Anyway, Leon started his lessons yesterday and when he saw me he recognized me and excitedly screamed my name. He asked why I dont come over anymore, and I was still so confused and upset that I just told him I’ve been busy. He didn’t seem mad but asked me about a hundred times during class to come over later.
Clearly, I can’t come over bc his mom hates me (the feeling is mutual), and my ex wouldn’t want me there either.
All I care about is not hurting Leon’s feelings or making him think I don’t care about him.
How do I handle this if I’m going to keep teaching him and he’s going to keep asking me why I don’t go see him anymore?
P.s. his mom brings him to swim lessons and just sits there glaring at me the whole time, so I’m nervous to tell him the truth in case she causes a scene
10 comments
Tell your ex to explain. It’s not your job
Brah, tell that kid the damn truth, he deserves it, let that bitch cause a scene, get her ass kicked out. That mother shouldnt be a mother, jesus fucjing christ man, and your ex, wtf is wrong with him? Gotta grow some balls and stop being a mommas boi.
So is there a reason why a 20 year old man listens to his mother about who he dates? Is it cultural or just controlling?
Honestly he is too young to tell the truth but I would say is if his mother can’t behave like an adult there then she should wait outside. Her behavior is most likely affecting your job and I would consider telling your supervisor.
You don’t want to be part of that family anyways.
Tell your supervisor and say that your current plan is to tell Leon to ask his big brother.
Wow ex and his mother are pieces of shit. Tell Leon that his family wants to tell him. They’ll probably come up with some excuse why you’re the bad guy, but at least you can wash your hands of these people. Or maybe even just tell your boss you can’t work with Leon or be around his awful grandmother. I know it’s not Leon’s fault, but I’d pretty much demand separation from that crazyass family.
Or just tell the kid the truth. If you’re really worried, confront the mother yourself. Don’t be held hostage by a crazy old c*nt who can’t keep her nose where it doesn’t belong. Also, maybe tell your ex to stop being such a spineless little weasel.
Omg… Can you imagine if you married this guy??? What a nightmare she would have been! Bravo, lucky escape!
To be honest, it’s up to you if you want to tell him the truth. My feeling would be just do what you think would be right by Leon. Forget the Mother, forget the ex. If you think he can handle the truth(or a gentle form of the truth), then tell him. So you can say for instance that you broke up but you don’t tell him why, etc. Or just keep it brief. But put enthusis on the fact that you will still see him at swim class!
If she confronts you after telling him, just ignore her. If she harasses you at work, just tell your bosses. And if she harasses you outside of work report it to the police. It doesn’t need to be a big deal, don’t let her take up time in your mind.
Also, if she is making you feel uncomfortable at work by starring at you, tell your manager. They have a duty of care and they need to take care of that situation and back you up so you feel ok at work. Especially if your attention needs to be on the kids.
If you think a lie is better for Leon, or the truth I think go with that. I think he is the only thing you are concerned with truly after all. So just do right by him and you won’t regret it.
You should not continue this lie. Whatever damage you think will be done by telling the truth is nothing compared to letting this kid have abandonment issues because he wrongly believes you stopped caring as a result of you never coming round
Don’t tell the kid. He wouldn’t know what to make of it anyway. Honestly, I know it’s hard for you to keep stonewalling him, but it’s the best thing for him. If anything, you can say “I’m not invited” and he can go ask someone else what “invited” means. Or just say an innocuous “Hopefully sometime”.
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You, as the adult, suffer and take the burden here. Don’t think that “truth-telling” to the kid is what’s best for him, it isn’t. His dad and grandma are trying to goad you into a confrontation, and you just have to not take the bait. For Leon
“I love you so much but I just can’t come over. I wish I could, but I can’t. I’ll remember you, though, okay?”. I would just hate for him to think that it was because of him, or that he’s not important enough, you know?
He deserves to know why you disappeared so you just tell him the simple truth – you and his brother broke up. You are not girlfriend and boyfriend anymore. If he has questions, answer them without bias (don’t put the blame on anyone) and keep it simple, he doesn’t need to know any details. Affirm his emotions if he expresses them, tell him you miss him too.